Saturday, October 28, 2006

Climate of Cheer???

If a certain big bodek coalition (toilet)paper think we’re not under a ‘Climate of Fear’ as described by *jeng, jeng, jeng The GOM(Grand Ol Man) – preferably voiced by James. Earl Jones – Mob

Then this list of facts below are a mere fiction and should be treated accordingly.

List of facts :
1. Force closure of at least 3 press companies this year alone.
2. Books being banned as ‘deemed not suitable for the public’.
3. Conglomerates are buying into bloggers to make sure they do not write ‘bad’ articles of their wrong-doings.
4. Transperancy does not exist.
5. Meritrocracy does not exist.
6. Selective prosecution of certain individuals while MPs and Councillors abuse of power and influence goes unabeited.
7. IPCMC is in Limbo.
8. Independent press and media are constantly being warned on publishing ‘damaging’ reports.
9. Biased press and media coverage owned by the ruling coalition .
10. Official events/festivals/functions being used to propagate partisan politics when it’s irrelevent to the events/festivals/functions.
11. Civil projects payed by Taxpayers are forced to put propaganda slogans like, ‘Another Successful Project by *.
12. Peaceful protest are broken by authorities using violence on pretext of “Authorities are just defending themselves!”.
13. Denial of facts and constantly warning the rakyat ‘Not to challenge/question the *.
14. Racial sentiments are play out everytime certain wrong-doings of those in power are highlighted in the media and press.
15. Accountability does not exists.
16. Investigations in wastage of public funds are hampered and left to rot.
17. Judiciary powers are not free from ‘influences’ from *.
18. Certain uniformed organisation could break into private premises without a warrant on pretense of searching of illegals.
19. The existence of ISA.
20. Morale ‘police’ paid with Taxpayers fund to snoop, summon and detain the public deemed as behaving ‘undecently’.
21. Falsification the well-being of our economy.
22. Forcing hikes and ceilings on essentials without proper justification.
23. Using taxpayer’s funds for ‘Grandeur’ projects like: ‘space-missions’, ‘solo-around-the-world’(air/water/land), north-pole again, etc when it could be better spend on eradicating poverty at home.
24. Money-politics.
25. Banned movies and songs because of its titles???
26. Influencing and planting propaganda in education system with pro- organisations and selectively changing/omiting/’consolidating’ historical figures to champion * .
27. Rebranding of moped hell-raisers and road-terrorists under ‘Cemerlang’ banners.
28. Reasons why I’m writing these under acronyms/teka-teki/avatars and it’s good to end at this number, 2–8(Yee-Fatt, Easy to prosper – Mob)

and all I did was to spent like 15 minutes compiling this ‘small’ list. I’m sure readers could add more.
Not a ‘police state’?
You decide.

* Brickbats should be used on certain entities whose eveeel has surpassed those of ‘iblis’ like ‘doses of venom’ it seeks to poison and undermine this young nation from its greatness. Thanks for advocating it to me, KTemoc. :)

Monday, October 16, 2006

G.O.V. Prepared To Show How It Premature Ejaculate! ~ Planet Bongabonga -49th

Macho Macho!

The G.O.V(Gays On Viagra) is prepared to reveal the methodology and data used to calculate the 18.9% PENIS GROWTH was direct result of usage of the infamous impotence drug by members of G.O.V.(also known as Gian in local sign-language – Mob ), Datin Seri Najeeb Tush Lazat the Gay One(G1) said yesterday. 

The Deputy Prime Roast said the G.o.vmen’s short penis gain amongst its ranks was based on detailed and objective studies. i.e. snooping on their members when they’re corpulating vigorously

“The statistics are not modified for the interest of any gender. If it is necessary and there are doubts, we will release the data,” he said smirking anf thumping his rather gigantic… nose

Najeeb said there should not be any cynical remarks implying that the G.o.vmen has really short pricks

“The statement gives a picture as though the G.o.vmen are lame gay men. We carried out the study based on an objective ASSessment,” he told reporters at the launch of a free-sex campaign here while emphasizing they’re real Gentle-Men although statitics showed they’re falling way behind other GAY communities in terms of Penis-Growth!

GAYRAVECUNT president Datoo Seri Dildo Lim Peh Yikes! had said that while the rave party stood by the G.o.vmen’s fine gayish figures, it wanted the public to know how the figure was arrived at. Whether if it’s medical-wonders or through ‘hard’ practise and manipulation! He wants to ‘help’ his fellow GAY-Party components enjoy the same 45% penis extension as GAYRAVECUNT members. 

The issue of’s Penis Enlargement came up when the Centre for Penis Policy Studies of the Asian GAY Strategy and Leadership Institute (AsGay) published a study that showed G.O.Vmen member’s premature ‘extensions’ in pubic-listed companies could be as long as 45% from its normal length during a hard-on.  

AsGay later retracted the report, saying the study was based on faulty filthy assumptions.  

Among the questions which had been asked over the methodology was whether companies(GAYlink) should be included in the pemature ejaculation. Another was whether the measurement of their penises were calculated at par or real gay market value. 

UPYOURS vice-president Tan Sri MuCKhyoSardin YesItsaSin said it was a good idea for the to reveal how their willies only gain 18.9% enlargement when AsGAY got 45%. 

“As much as this has been accepted as the official masturbation formula, many may be unaware of it,” he said, adding that he did not think the wanted to hide anything eventhough their penises are short of expectations. 

Datoo Seri Mod All Rusty, who is also an UPYOURS vice-president, said the’s 18.9% lame willieextension was already stated in the Nymph Malaysia Plan.  

He said he would support any move by the to reveal how their dicks achieved so little achievement compare to the other dicks. 

Mod All Rusty, who is also Malacca Chief Masturbator, said companies like Tenaga Nasional Buttocks and PETronASS, which served all Malaysians gays, should not be regarded as companies in any premature ejaculations. 

GAYRAVECUNT spread-eagle committee member Datoo Took See Fart, who had been speaking out on the issue, said the public would welcum the suggestion on G.O.Vmen methodology of achieving such miniscule success 

“People generally want the G.O.Vmento be more transparent and open about the ‘manual manipulation’ used in obtaining the figure,” he said while lubing his cock. 

He hoped that the Cum Planning Unit and other bodies would look positively at the methodology used in AsGay’s study.  

MCA(Ma Cau hAi!) GAY-Youth chief Datoo Liow Yee Chai(aka Twisted Ears) said official statistics should be made accessible to every one so that they could be used for WHAT-NOT-TO-DO reference for Penis-Enlargement research. 

He said as long as the G.O.Vmen was transparent, cuntfusion could be avoided because as gaymen, they rather stay intercourse with men.

Mob reporting for Alternate Lifestyle Section(Filling in for ‘Jackie’ who’s down with a nasty after too much raving the night before) at InterPlanetary Crappy News. ADVERTISEMENT: ButtPlug! ButtPlug! ButtPlug! ButtPlug! ButtPlug! ButtPlug!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Cloner In The Dark Over Cloning Himself - Planet Bongabonga -49th

Dr. MuhamMADxx Abduloo Ghanixx # 456 came forward to declare that he was the original humanoid cloner implicated by two toiletpapers as being involved in a ‘self-cloning’ scam. 

“I am the only Genitalist in this country who has been given bulk CPs(Cloning Permits) to clone identical self of his clients,” he said multiplying himself.

However, Dr. MuhamMADxx # 455 said, he had stopped managing his lavatory(how you think he clones? by pissing of course! – Mob), which smuggle reconditioned and used human organs, since his appointment as TDC(The Designated Cloner) six years ago

“My clone and his staff consisting of more clones have been running the show. I am not involved in the business at all. I don’t know what was going on although the CPs were issued under my clone’s clone’s name,” he said mirroring himself.

The two water closets reported yesterday that a cloner and his clone had collaborated to clone the clones. They reported that the Custom Clone Department(CUM) had evidence of the scam with the seizure of at least 20 imported luxury human organs and various nerve systems brought in under cloned clones of clones. 

“I deny any involvement in any shady deals,” said Dr. MuhamMADxx who lodged a toilet flush over the toiletpaper articles in Kota Baroo yesterday.  

“I have no knowledge of how the clones were cloned. It is not right for the toiletpapers to say I was involved. The allegations are stink, pong and downright shitty.” 

“I have pull a flush on this.” 

He said that when Custom Clone Department officers(CUM) investigated cloned clones at his lavatory late last year, he had cooperated with them in the mass anal-probing

Dr. MuhamMADxx, who has a 44.4444% stakes/impaler in the MudValley-based cloning lavatory, claimed somebody else had cloned him and sold himself for a profit. 

“I want the CUMs to investigate this matter and the allegations made by the toiletpapers against me,” he said scrtching his clone.

Custom cloning-preventive division director’s other clone Mohamedo Adnano Ariffino #389 said yesterday the cloner was given about 70 CPs a year, while another cloner received some 300 CPs from the International Tirade and Tyranny Ministry. 

He said investigations revealed that cloned clones were used because the two clone’s lavatories imported human organs beyond their quota. 

The cloner’s  lavatory imported about 150 luxury human body-parts such as branded Mercedes Genitals, Bladder MW, Mazda Kidneys and Toyota Spleens while the other businessman brought in 700 Hyundai small intestines, he said. 

Adnano #389 said the cloned clones were not detected earlier “because they were used in different places and at different times.” 

The department, he said, was unable to authenticate the validity of the clones when the documents were used. While the CUM database could verify that such an CP existed, it did not indicate whether the CP had been used, he explained obviously contradicting his clone’s statements. 

When the CUMs learnt late last year that the two lavatories’ human organ imports exceeded their quota, the department suspected that cloned CPs were used. 

Early this year, The BlightedStar reported that the CUMs Department found that some CPs had been “recycled”.  

CUMs director-general’s clone Datuk Abdulo Rahmano Abduol Hamido # 55 recently announced that three cloning lavatories, including two well-known cloners and importers, would be charged soon with abusing their cloning technology. 

Adnano #389 said the investigation papers had been forwarded to the Attorney-General’s Other-Half Chambers of Cloning the Clones. 

Early this year, the ministry set new conditions that require the Heart and Liver numbers of imported human-organs to be stated in the CP. 

“Since then, we have not detected any duplication or cloning of clones. We hope this will bring an end to such scams,” he said repeating himself.

– Reported by Mob’s clone * 34 for Interplanetary Crappy News
– Reported by Mob’s clone * 35 for Interplanetary Crappy News
Seeing double? of course, use EYEMOMO on your 3rd eye for daily relief!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Azmee Khaled - I can't even see my Wife in this HAZE and I'm horneee... - Planet Bongbonga -49th

HAMKALING JAYA: Punish them! That is what Natural Noise and Air-waves Environment Minstrel Datuk Seri Azmee Khaled has to say to the Indonesian Government about Malaysian Newscasters in Indonesia which may be polluting the air waves.

Malaysia will not protect any Malaysian newscasters in Indonesia which may be contributing to the haze by broadcasting unsanctioned radio waves which causes the Haze blanketing the entire South-East Asia Car-Park.

Spot the Curves in the Haze if you can!

“We are not here to mute anyone, and we implore Indonesia to impose the most severe gag under their law to anyone found guilty,” he said while rubbing the poster of his famous ex-newscaster wife, NoMale SameSardin.

Azmee's comments were in reply to reports in the Indonesian media that some of the culprits involved in open Noise-Haze were Malaysian-owned broadcasting companies.

“However, even the Indonesian Government has confirmed that the Noize(Noise +Haze – mob) is coming from the traditional open transmission activities of CB-radios and not our propaganda…err I meant broadcasting companies.

“But I would like to reiterate that Malaysia will not condone any activity done by its own mikes or speakers.”

Azmee, who was attending a Genital dysfunction in Kangaroo, Perlis, said the Noize caused by unlicensed broadcasting was also very bad there contributing to erectile-dysfunction of attendees!

When asked if Malaysia would submit a formal podcast protest to Indonesia regarding the Noize, Azmee said the Government could send any kind of air-waves it wanted which would contribute to even more Noize.

“But I don’t think it would be of any use. The Indonesian Government is well aware of the problem and the only request Malaysia has is for the problem to be solved,” he said while caressing NoMale’s lingerie.

Azmee said it was imperative that Indonesia ratified the Asean transboundary Noize agreement and urged Jakartatata again to do so, adding that no one knows why it was dragging its feet and tails over the agreement.

“Only when Indonesia ratifies the agreement can member countries set up a Noize centre so that prevention and extinguishing of illegal soundwaves can be done easily.”

When asked if Asean members would convene any sort of emergency meeting to discuss action against the Noize, Azmeei said there was no point talking any more while hugging a 1/10 scale doll of his wife.

“What we need is action and enforcement,” he blurted with dripping his eyeballs with EyeMo.

In PeKanNeeNia, Deputy Primo Minstrel Datuk Seri Najeeb Tun Lazat said the Noize problem would plague the region for years to come unless Asean countries were willing to pool their sound resources to combat the menace. “We have been discussing among the members but we have yet to reach a consensus on the setting up of a Noize fund,” said while putting on his favourite Maybabeline Toast-Almond Extreme Moisture lipstick.

“Right now, one of the most needed equipment would be Gigantic Audio-Vacuums made with Dinosaur Egg shells. They are expensive witchcraft but would help alleviate or at least reduce the soundhaze problem,” he said. Najeeb, who is also the Home Vacuum Minstrel, said the Noize was a mute issue.

Asked if Asean members had volunteered their services to help the Indonesian Government to put out the Noize, he said there were offers but there had not been any positive response to accept the assistance.

After the press conference: Datuk Seri Azmee Khaled has to TFK/Choke his chicken/masturbate/manually relieve himself provided he could find his tiny and limp penis.

Mob reporting for Intergalactic Crap News Express of Planet Bongabonga -49th.
We BONG first so you can SNORT!

Friday, October 06, 2006

MySeefart, KukuJiaoSaya and MyBahasa

When I read about this article on our national languague I could barely grasp the significance, til I came across the same news but sourced from Yahoo! Compare these two articles:

1. BN Propaganda Paper (often used as firestarter for BBQ – mob)
2. Yahoo!

Spot the difference?

BProPap(pronounced as Bee-Prop-Pap) downplay the proposal of this Ministry of Culture, Arts and Heritage together with their evil-brethen, yes, the Education Ministry and Information Ministry ‘To Strengthen The National Language’.

<—— gasp

‘To Strengthen the national language’ = To fine-kau you for …jeng, jeng, jeng, *gasp again like Dr. Evil

RM Wan thoussaaaand ringgit!

Yahoo! just go straight to the point, that is if you f*ck around with BM (btw, is it Bahasa Malaysia or Bahasa Melayu? My time it was B. Malaysia, in the late 90’s it was Bahasa Melayu, so which is it? – mob) then you will be shoved with a quick-cari-makan-1k-fine. There, so simple.
No bullshit about:
– ‘concerns about the proliferation of terms’,
– ‘to correct misuse of the national language’
– ‘compel those responsible to rectify the errors’
– ‘helping safeguard our national language’

wah, damn bunga-bunga(flowery) like pantun as reported by BProPap(kenot say paper name mar– mob). These flers think by Samaning people who probably thought they were using correct national language, they could selamat-jaga our national language.

What is there to safeguard if people will think twice before using our national language for fear of making errors and kena saman 9–9(kau-kau)? Then it will ceased to be a ‘national language’ since everyone avoid using it.

Betul Tak? Betuuuuulll… otak simple gua oso can figure it out, baik gua jadik minister, ok? ahakhakhak…

Amaciam my Bahasa Rojak?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Haze You, Haze Me!

Time to bring out the banner again.

Click for the Banner

Once again, all the countless ‘joint-taskforce’ to clear this mess amounts to nothing. Funds raised, firemen and national servicemen sent, environmental experts, forestry departments wankers, assholes and buffoons from my ministry and your ministry come together and have a big makan inreturn for a brief 2 sec thoughts over this issue of this hazardous land-clearing with a match.

Yes, the caucasians are right all along, life is indeed cheap here.

*Meanwhile Bodowi is still jerkin’ off to Harry’s letter of apology.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Stupid Questions for our Space-tourists

Brokeback Space Station, 'ere we cum!

Stupid Questions for our 70 million Space-tourists:

1. Does dental hygiene contributes into making one of you fucktards a national-sponsored space-tourist?
(Defence budget IS taxpayer's money, stupid - Mob)

2. How could you share a culture when you don't have any to exchange with?

3. Can you just see 'space' in movies just like the rest of us instead of costing us 70 million?
(Again, Defence budget IS taxpayer's money, stupid - Mob)

4. Do you think you will be Mawi-convert if you come across Mawi posters drifting in space?

5. You told your parents this was a 'Lawatan Sambil Belajar' trip instead of secret experimental condom-testing in zero-G, didn't you?

6. What if the Russians don’t like you? Do you stay outsite, at the balcony on Mir Space Station or do you sulk alone?

7. What do these numbskull politikus means, ‘To do the Best for your country’? Snap better pictures?

8. Wouldn’t you knock other astronauts with our big-big Jalur Gemilang?

9. Will you shoulder the blame of improper wastage of 70 million when there are hardcore poor at home?

10. Was this under any National Plan?

11. If you knocked your tooth out while in space, will they discount 1 million off?

12. Are you covered by insurance? If you are, please do specify the payouts and to whom?

13. Do you learn emergency sign-languages? Like “Mana itu tandas, brader?”

14. Where does your feaces goes during your 8 days vacation up there?

15. If they carry it back with the shuttle you’re on, does that means you came back ‘Full of Shit’?

16. Could you ‘pull the plug’ on other ppl’s suits?

17. If you fart while in the space-suit, does it mean you smell your own fart?

18. Do you learn to eat your food from tubes? Just incase you swallow your tooth-paste.

19. If we’re not satisfied with your ‘Performance’, are they willing to send you again with no additional cost?

20. If one of you happens to ‘break a leg’, can we send Kerismuddin or the S-I-L instead? on a no-return ticket, of course!

21. Are the fuel from these rockets EPA-approved?

22. Can the two of you stick your heads out while blasting off? It has never been proven so there’s a record to be made.

23. Will you wear our sarongs during nap time?

24. Do your suits have sponsors like F1 drivers?

25. Are your helmets made to look like those used by our ‘Mat Cemerlangs’?

26. If you sneeze inside your helmet, won’t you embarrased your country?

27. If you barfed inside your helmet, we will have your heads?

28. If you do return, could we auction your stained underwear to our politicians to raise 70 million for real charity?

29. Do you jerk-off with space-porn downloads or you ask your other partner to do you?

30. Do you get a Certificate for being at Mir?

31. Do you get a ‘Datukship’ when… sheesh, we don’t even need to ask

32. What can you shared with us after your return? Space debris as souvenirs and some half-ass taken pics?

33. Would you two become uglier and grosteque after being expose to sun radiation and melt onto your chairs?

34. If the Russians staged a mutiny on Mir, will you be made to ‘walk the plank’?

35. If they don’t like you, can they throw you ‘overboard’?

36. Do the PDRM give you a Saman since you’re waaaay over the speed limit blasting-off?

37. If they do, when are you going to pay?

38. Why don’t they send our Public Works Dept Head (Semi-value) to inspect if the cost fitting the steps rail to the rocket are properly justified?

39. If the Russian picket for a pay-raise on Mir, would you join in?

40. If you wave a ‘Keris’ while everyone’s conducting a space transmission to Earth, will you be stripped-jacketed?

41. What if you encounter extra-terrestials and they look like as ugly as Nazree?

42. What if you can’t see our country from space?

43. Would your mission be counted as a Failure?

44. Could we mummified you in concrete as soon as you return to Earth? As to preserve our first space-tourist.

45. If you didn’t get consent from every single 26 million rakyat Malaysia, would you be considered a ‘Rogue space-tourist’ and be shot on sight?

46. If you didn’t get consent from your parents, would be a ‘Space-Minor’ under supervision from Mir Station’s in-station Nanny?

Feel free to contribute question or any other enquiries since this is a National event!