Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Intergalactic Crappy News Express - Planet Bongabonga -49th

On our Azure Planet
Nazri: Lack of freedom in previous government
THERE was lack of freedom and some dictatorial tendencies during the previous administration, said Datuk Seri Nazri Aziz, Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department.


On Planet Bongabonga -49th

Neo-Nazree is a Dandy Luddite, Heil!

THERE was lack of freeDOM and some DICKtatorial tendencies during the previous administration, hints Kapitan Neo- Nazree Azeez been Jantan, Offizier in the Pri-Mate’s SM Department.


"Durinz the pasz dominationz..err.. I mean administrationz, it wuz a bit of a peniz-constrictionz, people weir not freez to keep their *wurstchen out (wurstchen is err… hotdog ~ mob)

"Now, when people are freez to spankz each other and wear rubber outfitz on da streetz, they talk about the bozz (Pri-Mate Babawi), and when people talk, this iz construed by some people as lozing control which in Sado Masochisme is a no-no, unlezz of coz you ar in Submission role-play.

"But, if you wanz to go back to da old ways, you can suggesz it in diz Torture Chamber; we can go along with it," Nazree said in reply to Opposition Leatherhead , who had reiterated that Babawi was losing control of his latex indulgence.

The original question came from Tengkoo RaiseALeg HamHam (BN-Gua BakChang) who wanted to know whether the Official Secretion Act was hindering efforts to combat irresponsible disposal of SM toys and turn SM practitioners underground.

Nazree said that there was nothing to conceal as the Addictive-Cruelty Agency(ACA) had been given full powers to inflict pain and sought gratification from suffferings of others.

"Furthermore, thoz who know about actz of seduction, but believe that they are tied(tightly)to da OSA, can lodge a reportz without signing the report(with his penis).

"Under da Addictive-Cruelty Act 1997, da ACA can proceedz witz a full-flogging even though it iz based on a pvc-made whip, unlike a natural flail made of ox-tails!," he said.

Nazree added that the ACA Act also provided lubricants, leather suits, metal chains, cuffs for witnesses in possible bondage cases.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Today on Intergalactic Crappy News Express: Planet Bongabonga -49th

Meanwhile on Earth, 19th, September 2006

KUALA LUMPUR: The only plaster cast of a "Bigfoot" footprint in the world is up for sale to the highest bidder.


On Planet Bongabonga – 49th,

Cowbungaaaaa!

KOLAM LUMPUR, Planet Bongabonga – 49th: BIGFART is about to attempt a intergalactic record for igniting a small island in the Spasific sea!

In demostration of its enormous flatulence, the once elusive BIGFART now appears on Sat broadcast to ‘blow’ away his competition but staging the biggest Gastrointestinal Event of the century by wipping a out a small island with a population of 2 bats and a coconut(I swear there’s inhabitants in there! ~ mob)

Paranormal-albeit-hysterical researcher Sniky Abdullaho Syedo Husseino Al-Attaso(damn typing his name is a pain! ~mob) said that as they had failed to raise the bar for a FART test to determine the sulfur and nitrogen content of the creature ‘s FART a few years ago although a remote village of indigenous snails were wiped out during BIGFART’s rampage. They planned to use the findings from the case to study the possibilityof harnessing BIGFART’s methane output for powering household aplliances like blenders and iPods.

Somewhere in a Parallel Universe ~ Today

Our Universe
HAVANA: “I am in control.” Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi asserted his authority when he told his critics that he has not lost control of his administration. 

Parallel Universe ~ Today

AYAM IN CONTROL!
Pic courtesy of Intergalactic Crap News Express of Planet Bongabonga -49th

HAVULVA: “Ayam in control”. In startling news, Babawi asserted his famous rooster as the De-factor of influence on his barn administration on Planet Bongabonga -49th where he sought to self-delusionised his environment with Hareem of white hens(500 cramped in a small pen in dismay conditions on last count ~ mob) and sacks of chicken-feed.

The TOP COCKEREL(his real name is ‘Bob’ btw ~ mob) said he was committed to making reforms in the chicken farm but would pluck things “my way.” 

However, ‘Bob’ added that he would not resort to making arbitrary changes or without consulting his barn mates which includes Khai(seefart) the duck, Nazee the neo-nazi ox, KaliGuloo the cute-goat-cum-propaganda-chief and Naheeb the cross-dressing goose.

Babawi added it was wrong of fellow barn animals to assume that he had lost control just because ‘Bob’ the rooster gives a hearty croak every morning and peck his way to his lap!

“This does not happen every day,” he added, saying that in such cases he would refer to all farm animals to put more enthusiasm into getting his loving.

Citing examples of a new hen house already in place, Babawi said he had allowed the setting up of select committees farm dogs to give the opportunity to all farm animals to give their views on important matters such as who gets to wallow in the mud besides the porkers(snog-snog!).

“We even include cows from the neighbouring farm in the committees. This is how a Barn should operate and this is one example of the reforms we initiated,” he said.  

Mob reporting for Intergalactic Crap News Express of Planet Bongabonga -49th.
We BONG first so you can SNORT!

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Somewhere in a Parallel Universe ~ Today

Our Universe
During the TV3 interview last month, Abdullah denied that his son had received preferential treatment in his business dealings with the Government. Abdullah said he received the Scomi report two days ago and checked it against the comments he had made on the special TV interview and found that he was right. ~ Official Media Propaganda.


Parallel Universe ~ Today

Hmmm... this iz good shilznit!
Babawi demonstrating the proper way to score.

Somewhere in a Parallel Universe… our alternate PM is riding ‘HIGH’ on the confidence of the people since Dope has been legalised for personal and official usage which snorting sm*ck on a luxurious glass table is the officiating process instead of boring ol’ ribbon-cutting, aight!

“I’ve always believe in using Biotechnology in Marijua… errr I mean plant cultivation… Hence the millions we pour into an industry which we have never excel in.” ~ Babawi *looking all beady and sleepy.

On the facts dished out by international media linking his son’s engineering firm, SCOreMI being linked with nuclear devices for the black market,

“Yo, you people are high on caffeine!! This iz biznezzz, ‘know wat I’m saying, how else ya’ll think I buy good sh*t? with lunch money? ya’ll gottha be kiddin’ me, dawg!” ~ Babawi after 2 hits of tar on the glass table above.

Asked to deliberate more on the interview he gave on TV Tree regarding his son’s alleged privileges of hoarding government deals,

“I did not misled the junkies, err… I meant people! My son won all those gravy trains through open tenders, *winks. We OPEN up our list of Columbian contacts and they go all TENDER on our proposals, what can we say? I mean, besides them producing the best sm*ck in town, they’ve access to the Puerto Ricans with really BIG guns! And so far, they’ve never fail in ‘silencing’ the critics…tsk, tsk, huaaargh…” *yawning

“Now if you excuse mua, I gottha go finish what I’ve snorted…err.. started…” *fumbling his way back to his citadel bedroom with Jaheim’s Fiend song on a DTS-THX-Surround Ghetto Blaster…

I gotta quit
I gotta get this chick up out my system
She's no good for me
All of my dogs wanna hit her
Right after I'm with her
I eat then I fall asleep
And it's gettin costly
Lately all I've been banging is them chicks that come with seeds
But shorty she's a dime
In fact that girl's a dove
And I think I'm falling in love
She gets me all choked up
I can barely catch my breath
Don't want to pass her around
I keep her to myself
You see she gives me stimulation
Ain't nobody messing up our rotation
Although I think it's big
And you better believe
Nobody blazing it up but me



Misleading? NO! of course not, after all this is just another Universe!


Thursday, September 07, 2006

Mat Rempit: A Simple Solution, Beb!

Jom REMP-IT!

The Problem
This Mat Rempit 'Movement' is suppose to be anti-authority in nature. There's no longer 'fun' or 'glory' in it if it gets regulated and by the way how you regulate these stunts? Even getting a bike to rempit is through illegal means(i.e. by stealing/robbing/company’s despatch property/falsifying plates) so they could abandon these bikes whenever they're caught in desperate situations.

The Solution
I have came across a simple solution from a friend.
Isn't it about time all motorcyclist starts paying TOLL?
Thanks to the Tun who abolished them a couple of years back as a ‘Farewell’ gift to the nation, he would be horrified if he were to drive down LDP on a typical friday night these days.

There're TOLLs everywhere, every major highways has these 'ready-made' solutions. Imagine having to pay $$$ for every 'thrill' rides, these rempits will confine themselves to trunk roads to avoid paying TOLLs.

Beb, satu round lagi kite rempit, amacam?
Not when it’s RM1 each time you pass a TOLL!

Decent Motorcyclists Being Penalised?
Please spare us the details about not having money to pay TOLLs when the rest of us road-users are paying for lanes you used daily. By riding a bike, you’re saving a bundle. No road tax for below 150cc, RM10 petrol for the at least 4 days usage when the rest of us are paying 6x-10x, cheap maintenance and free parking. One of the main reason the road tax exemption and free TOLL was suppose to lift the burden off students and lower-income workers.

Most students lives within earshot or in campuses, hence the road tax exemption works well but there’s no excuse of not paying TOLL whenever you feel like going to KL/major town centres to ‘Partay’ or drink with friends. As for the lower-income workers who uses bikes to work, please realised the costs of earning a living is now higher.

Why should YOU be exempted? If you’re working for the Gov, lagi bagus, semuanya ada, allowance naik, claim naik, wah! bagus sungguh your Kepala thinks of you!
The rest of us who doesn’t depend on the Gov kena pulak! Kenotler liddat! Hahaha

End-of-Road
For some, that is…
I’ve come across other worthy solutions such as:

1. Heavy penalties/fine. You think they’ll pay? lolx
2. Merit/Point Systems. You think the bikes/number plates are not Falsified for racing/rempiting? lolx
3. Higher Insurance. Auw… refer to point no. 2. lox

All these solutions are laughable as you can see, our country is unique. We need Special Measures like our Currency Monetary solution like the Tun(aha, there’s still good in him ~ Obi Wan Kenobi) put in place during the Crisis days.

Like I put forward above, this solution is owed to a friend of mine who has seen the worst in this little Rempit Movement that’s sweeping the nation and kampungs. It’s worth a mention since it’s coming from a humble average Malaysian who wants to see this lethal trend dies a peaceful death.


Preng-preng-deng-deng-deng-deng-deng-deng-deng-deng-deng… deng–thud.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Somewhere in a Parallel Universe ~ Today



Somewhere in a Parallel Universe… our alternate PM makes a great claim!
Steve would’ve been proud.

"(It's) not nice!" ~ Mob Boss

"(It's) not nice!" said Abdullah after a closed-door meeting with division head Datuk Ahmad ibni Hajar and other state party leaders.

PENANG: Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi today (Sept 5, 2006) ticked off some state Umno members for displaying banners criticising Chief Minister Tan Sri Dr Koh Tsu Koon at the official opening of the Tanjung Umno Tanjung building on Bishop Street.

Duh!
Like a delusional man who’ve never known he’s the leader of the most racist party in Malaysia. Like we care what happens to Dr. Koh-koh Jiao, the main reason for Babawi’s outrage I suspect is because the Penang CM is HIS ‘Capo’* up north and the RM2billion Penang Outer Ring Road PORR Project is held under this Capo of his. You’re talking about his turf here, and with these ‘self-proclaimed marginalised’ AMNO Youth Penang making ruckus and putting themselve on the frontpage news, it’s not good for Business, if you know what I mean…

And AMNO Youth should be the LAST humpdinks shouting about being marginalised. Try the whole country being marginalsed for the last 40 years just so YOU(AMNO Youth) could voice out your politicized ‘Marginalised!’ today. For crying out loud, get a job!

*Italian term for Captain, Mob Captain that is…

Monday, September 04, 2006

Budget 2007: Screwed Againlar.

As usual, the Budget 2007 announced last Friday has nothing to do with the majority of us in the private sector, though we are the strongest contributor on economic scale. Majority of our taxes actually goes into funding our most expensive Government in Malaysian history(RM112.9b) and the rest goes into ‘development’(read: into their hands again). A measly 1% in corporate taxation for 07–08 is a fuckin’ Yawn when most of our blue chips companies are crapping shiltniz for the last couple of years, all except THEOILCOMPANY and of course SCOreMI who’re busy building nuclear devices for the highest bidder.

Agriculture and Biotechnology
Agriculture and Biotech are industries which yields the least, not unlike sepak-takraw, we can no longer compete with the Thais. Out-played and Out-classsed although we have so many freakin’ Gov agencies which are supposed to help the agriculture industry. 

Biotechnology are expensive IMPORTS, we have never excel in Research and Development in anything. We have ‘adapted’ technologies but no, we are not known for innovating anything except for local artiste gossips. Stop ‘bio’shitting everything. We are known as ‘natural resource producer’ and our attempts at create something useful out of our resources are pathetic. The only ‘natural resources’ we have left are limited oil, palm oil(planted by Indonesians,and most are located at Indonesia and dodgy land-clearing has filled our lungs with choking haze annually) and some bananas. Biotechnology is also misleading because it’s too wide, what are we focusing on? Agriculture? Food? Medicine? or cloning more Son-In-Laws?(Genetic Manipulation lar!)

Tax Exemptions
Tax exemption for the purchase of computers from RM500 to RM3,000 which was claimable every three years instead of the earlier five years. Seems like a continuation from the Tun’s policy, so no cookies for Pak Lah on this one.

Tax exemption for the purchase of books had been increased from RM700 to RM1,000 a year. Great, except prices of books are raised too.


Human Capital Development
Huge sums were allocated for schools, universities, scholarships, skills training and youth and sports development. Spending our tax money on education is the bread and butter for any mediocre leaders, but over the years we have witness the deterioting skills of teachers and poor planning in building a decent education system. Blame the head, our education systems changed according to the Education Ministers’ wimps, not because of keeping up with times or to forge a Nation. Our history books has been molded by zealous ‘proffesors’ and ‘educators to suit politician’s agenda. How could an imbecile keris-wielding Leroy becomes a Education minister is anyone’s guess.

Sports Development. Ask the MyTeam ‘Twas the Dweam, My Team’ duos if they’re providing these waterboys a future with proper education AFTER the 90min. Would you hire someone who probably can’t spell ‘M-y-T-e-a-m’? This goes against everything Sports ever stands for, that you have to take a proper route of balancing your education with training so you could still ‘kick’ up dough long after you stop kicking the ball.

As for the Sports Minister, besides being a co-host to the SIL, once-upon-a-time in a boring TV show, she has yet to display any knowledge of administering our sports ministry. Having a RM490 Million Sports RnD(refer to our excellent RnD comment above) in middle of London does not gives our athletes the extra edges(height, strength, skill, etc). Why not save RM490 Million and use our other HUGE spending on Biotechnology to create Super Steriods which are are impossible to detect?
I’m sure once our athletes starts doping our local-made steroids, we could out-run/jump/kick any competition, plus the lucrative deals of supplying interested nations of our ‘innovations’. Dope dealers? NO!  We’re in Pharmaceuticals!

Women Empowerment
Wow, what a word… RM50 subsidy for a mammogram. Is that all women empowerment stands for? A subsidy to check breasts? Try these words, Misyar, Alimony, Divorce thru SMS, Poligamy, Gatal and that infamous long word ‘Marry-a-divorcee/widow/single-parent-and-get-half-of-HERS’. How do you empower women when you keep robbing and stripping them of rights? You can’t give what is not yours to begin with. And these policy makers have mothers?


Reducing Regional Disparities
Says here, ‘Development projects will be undertaken in Peninsular Malaysia, Sabah and Sarawak.’

HAHAHA. Read: Just Penang and Kulim(Johor doesn’t count ‘coz it’s Private Initiatives). Sabah and Sarawak, you can keep on dreaming. Thanks for voting BN again, now crank the backyard generator for electricity, dig wells for water and don’t sell your 4x4 truck just yet, the road ahead will still be as bumpy as it was 20 years ago! Worse, we will DIVIDE up your rebel-prone areas into smaller portions and flood it with immigrants with genuine MyKads under pretense of annexation laws which we make up ourselves. Heck, we can change the constituition while YOU are sleeping!

Eradication of Poverty
RM578 million is allocated to accelerate the eradication of poverty.
How do you ‘accelerate’ something INVISIBLE? Using Transperancy of course! In fact it’s being done while you’re not looking! Ask the convicted ex-minister of Rural & Poverty Development, I’m sure he’s a Master of Invisibility, provided you could find him.

Housing for the low income group
How many ‘housing for the low income group’ needs? Or does it read ‘Equally-low-cost-shoddy-workmanship-shack? These ‘low-cost’ houses are known to be cost-cutting ‘obligation’ commited by the Gov to all housing developers. Thus, most would probably sell or rent it to immigrants when it’s get too dangerous to live in with their family. The last I heard, there were too many of these vacant houses around with no takers.

Civil Servants Rewarded
This is a no brainer. He need to do this so he could keep the votes. Let the recent SMS-threat to Customs Officer issue remind the civil servants the raise comes with price. A gag. Basically it just meant they’re surrendering their rights to voice out to their ‘Masters’. Hence the ‘muka-masam’ you get everytime you sought any Gov depts out. Carrot on a stick, but in our case, we fed the donkey too much til they’re too lazy to do anything else.

RM4.9 Billion to Make Police More Efficient?
RM4.9 billion allocation to enhance the efficiency of the police force’s operation. What efficiency? When you can’t even admit your shortcomings, how could you say ‘enhance efficiency’? $$$ DOES NOT BUY EFFICIENCY. $$$ gets you ‘Good Merceneries’ in the short term! Having a proper order and procedures does keep your forces in line. Knowing there’s a higher food-chain above you keeps you on the edge and stops you from snacking on the herd you’re suppose to ‘Serve & Protect’. I’m all for raising the welfare of the forces but do you reward them first and expect results later? At least have the decency to implement the IPCMC before announcing the Carrot. The public have suffered whenever the force are ‘not efficient’.

Where’s our RM409 Billion to tolerate and endure these ‘inefficiencies’?
Like the famous copper question everytime they pull you over, “Maciam Mana?”

Recommended tagline:
Budget 2007: Self-delusion Spending Towards the Alluded State.

==============
ps: The world says farewell to Steve Irwin aka ‘Crocodile hunter’, he gets to ‘go’ while on field missions like he intended. Nobody says ‘Amazin’…’ like he does.

Malaysian Buddhists bids ‘Good Karma’ to the late Rev. K. Sri. Dhammnanda of the Buddhist Vihara, may he have a great reincarnation and get closer to the Jackpot, i.e.: Nirvana. ~Mob(Dhamma Priya, class of 87–88.)

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Friday, August 25, 2006

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia... part deux

Hopefully with my Merdeka Series, I could build a stank-up excitement leading to Independance Day with yall feeling wretched and crappy about it. Hey, if by the end of this series, if you’re still feeling great and proud of this nation then Merdeka Spirit is entombed in you and nothing could ever dent your optimism and question your patriotism. Not even your mother.

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
A Death THREAT Amounts to Nothing
(and this is not a comment made on a blog, maybe this Guna should learn to differentiate genuine threats from ‘figure-of-speech’ ~ Mob)

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
The Police Force Nabs Suspects THEN Build cases AGAINST Them
(Heey! I sleepwalk too sometimes! ~ Mob)

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
7 Million will be invested on Cameras instead of recruiting or raising Police Salaries
(and these CCTV will probably turn into Skodeng(Peeping) projects in 3 months time, wohoo! ~Mob)

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
MPs say ‘No’ to justify how they spent the budget allocation using Taxpayers Money.
(Now, wouldn’t you like to spend money from these MPs and tell ‘em to ‘F*ck-Off!’ too? Accountability and Transparency my left NUT ~Mob)

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
We are being play for fools By The ‘Lanun Melaka Mata Satu’(Pirate of Malacca with One Eye)
(Howsy did a handsome pic of this crook on his blog, now every women in the country wanne bonk ‘The One-Eye Pirate’. Bad and unrepentant, just ask Datin CT ~Mob)

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
Minister Critisize His own Gov for exposing wrong-doings of an estranged MP.
(Does he knows which side he’s at? He’s one c*ntfused mofot. ~ Mob)

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
An actress being given an award for her achievement but ‘massacred’ moments later for speaking a language understood by all
(wtf??? even I’m perplexed ~Mob)

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
A movie like this could be Box-Office and won an OSKAR
(A classic oxymoron and see them LIVE during Merdeka Eve, F.O.C. wether you like it or not, Hidup Remp-it!!! Cayalah ~Mob)

Baik Punya Rempit, gang!

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
We could bailout a company and NOT call it a ‘Bailout’.
(She could if she’s using HER OWN money! ~Mob)

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
You could ‘twhacked’ another woman on the head still looks THIS GOOD!
(Auwww, she could rip off her CLOTHES, dammit! ~Mob)

yum-yum

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
‘Catfight’ is more popular than Pilates
(Meow? ~Mob)




Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
Our ‘Supermodel’ is a Stalker?
(Even when skanks sh*t, it stank, lolx ~ Mob)

Bersambung as usual…

====================


Ok the pic above of Kris Dayanti has nothing to do with my Merdeka Day Special series, but lookitthosedamntightoutfit! *raising his hands and butt to dang his dut with Indonesia’s First Lady!


Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...

As my contribution to the upcoming Merdeka Day Celebration, I will be bringing you the Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia... which I will highlight events and uncanny traits only available and identifiable to Malaysia.

Here I go:

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
Snatch Theft Victims are PARALYSED



Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
News about Siti wearing tudung for wedding has 3 paragraphs mentioning the numbers of Apostates in the country which is irrelevant(see the bottom of the Star article. wtf???)

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
A ‘soccer’ actress b*tch-fight with Puteri Gunung Ledang’s husband’s Son’s ex-wife with 3 first names (Geraldine Mariana Wong) over an ex-MB’s Son who’s a former lover but now bonking the actress in a Moon bar!

(Damn kau complicated, these bitches.)
Nur Fazura Sharifuddin


Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
Robbers could go on a robbery-spree in a Budget Car!

(Or basicaly our Law-enforcement is non-existent? ~ Mob)

Merdeka Day Special: Only in Malaysia...
Where people who pay for the roads can’t use it because some dick named Ang Lee is using it!
(I know who A. Lee is, I just wanne call him a dick. ~Mob)


Bersambung…

It’s OK to wear the flag AND burn other country's flag?

”It’s OK to wear the flag”.
Deputy Culture, Arts and Heritage Minister Datuk Wong Kam Hoong. 

Acts such as stepping on the flag and setting it on fire were disrespectful to the national emblem, Zainuddin said. ‘Doesn’t he know his compatriot does not share the same sentiment as his? Poor communication indeed. ~Mob’

and yet, we have leaders who incites their members to “Burn as many flags as you (Youth members) want,” quoted by none other than the once ‘Keris-wielding’ Minister of Education.

All within the same party and cabinet. Nice.

To the majority of Malaysians who witnessed local singer Hattan being ‘media-massacred’ not long ago for singing a RnB version of our National Anthem, this latest ‘Go, No Go and Errr..Dunno’ message from authorities will stem the most of us not to attempt anything ‘stupid’ (creative/innovate/whatever-you-wanne-call-it) with our national indentity.

To show your pride and patriotism, you don’t have to wear the flag ONCE a year.

Donate blood, pay your taxes, buy national cars, be nice to your neighbour’s pets and talk to your folks. These ‘little’ gestures are all the patriotism you could ‘show’ not by merely ‘wearing’ the flag.

 

Sunday, August 20, 2006

What's missing in this pic? Fun stuff!

USS Enterprise

What’s MISSING in this pic of a grand American carrier at Westport, Klang, Malaysia?

 

No protestors!


Where are these ‘champions’?
Isk, I was hoping Maya could have been here!
We want BIGGER Big Macs!
See that? That's my fav Kangkung!
Eh, Mana MAWI?(Where's MAWI?)
Yeah, we'll become The Mask Riders!!!
hUWAAHHH, the rendang was too spicy! gimme water!!!

and this dude who asks his people to BURN other country’s flag. What’s with all the silence? I thought we were all work up to stage a big ‘welcome’ to these Israel allies and show(refer above pics) ‘em a ‘piece of our mind’.

Matching the US Armada(in the spirit of Malaysia Boleh!)

Hell, we have something as massive as the USS Enterprise, we could always use our Twin Towers, flip it horizontal and float it ‘broadside’. It could match the US nuclear class carrier size and floating capability. We’ll shoot our national cars from our My TT*(TNB powered) as deadly pile of junks and use the smaller national cars as Anti-Aircraft ammunitions. Nevermind the fact we don’t have any aircraft on board My TT(TNB powered), we have ‘Mosquitos’ aka Mat Rempits speeding from 0 – Mach5 as ‘homing missiles’(accuracy dependings on the soberity of the pilots/riders) to our enemies.

Latest intelligence report: Peet-poot-deet-dooot(Fan-pan PC) “…Accompanying the USS Enterprise were missile destroyer USS Lassen and AEGIS cruiser USS Leyte Gulf. “

Mob: Aiyah, how come these crap intel comes so late ar? aiseh, back to drawing board liao, tiu!

*our tendency to name anything with My, example: MyCrap, MySh*t, MyCrotch, etc

The Question remains:
Why are there no friggin’ protest in front of that ‘Zionist-ally’ ship? It’s BIG and HUNKERING only wat…


=====================
Update: This 'Jumpin' Photographer' has more!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Workout Video Suggestions for our TV Pendidikan

The Hottest Workout Videos dudes will ever need. Workout includes: 70 minutes of (mind) blowing, shifting your butt, blood-circulating exercises(on certain area of your body) which will reduce even the most avid workout toff to a teary and blood-shotted eyes weakling! ~ Guaranteed.

Check the tagline for these two God-sent DVDs:

The DVD promises “While the girls align their chakras, you’ll be elevating your bandha if you know what we mean.”

The DVDs are entitled:

Yoga4Dudesâ„¢Yoga4Dudes™
It’s to exercise videos what chicken nuggets are to health food: Yoga4Dudes isn’t an exercise video at all, it’s just beautiful, scantily clad women doing yoga!

No effort! No feeling of inadequacy! No thinking! Just kick back and watch the hottest girls in the world do the workout for you, guilt free cause it’s all legitimate yoga. What an angle!

Boner Features: You asked for it, you got it!
• Our most requested feature: the Noemie Cam, Holly Cam and Tara Cam!
• The Gratuitous Undressing Scene.
• Watch the out-takes, the alternate ending, see the double boner, and more!




Ballwork4Dudesâ„¢AVAILABLE SUMMER 2006!

From the team that brought you the infamous Yoga4Dudes, comes the hottest girls-in-their-underwear-bending-over-exercise-balls workout ever! Ballwork4Dudes!

Now lets be clear, you should not try these exercises at home. In fact, you won’t even be able to because you’ll be packing wood the size of the Washington Monument!

Yes, its all here: the Full-Frontal Third Leg Pull, the Up-Ended Hinie Thrust, and the has-to-be-seen-to-be-believed Pink-Ball Double Butt Balance!



 Have a glimpse at these AWESOME videos which might finally motivates you to lift the monitor closer to your face! If you finally orders these DVDs, you could actually sits on the floor nearer to your 29” TV! Talk about Full-blown workouts!

Waliau!

Be advise, these are extremely sensous workouts, do not attempt unless you’re workout buddies of :

NoemieTaraHolly

Or at least have FULL Medical Insurance Coverage!

You could even read up on these extremely healthy girls and find out if they could play the piano, speaks 4 languages and maintain a 3.9 GPA. If you wanne ask them our for dates, you’re on your own, bud!

Now if ONLY we could convince our National TV Stations to air these as 30 min workout videos on the weekends… Say Goodbye to Obesity!

Majulah Sukan Untuk Negara!

======================
References:

http://www.stuff4dudes.com

REMP-IT: Boleh Pegang Tete...Payu Dara? Boleh...


According to our Film Censorship Board, if it's relevant to the message and objective of the movie, then OK, boleh jalan.

"We do not want to be too rigid and closed minded, which can stifle filmmakers creativity." quoted by Film Censorship Board chairman Mohd Hussain Shafie.
'On Remp-Its PG-13 label, Mohd Hussain said this was necessary due to the captive audience factor. It would be different if it was made for television which has a wider audience, including children.' - The MalayMail







So if you're 13 and above, you're could now go with your friends to watch that 'a few seconds' of breast-grabbing & some chick on bed covered with a blanket. What's the big friggin' deal, you asked. Because of 'double-standards' or 'selective approval' by our high and mighty FCB. I betcha no 'Morale-Championing-Zealot-journalist/reporter' would be doing an article condemning the scenes. Or have even a witch-hunting talk-show on national tv debating this movie. And with a title like 'REMP-IT', it makes ya wonder what kinda 'message and objective' you have hanging over our 'Weekend Road Warriors'(under 200cc, mind you!). I'm sure there's good intentions in REMP-IT final objective but please do not deny it's to 'cari makan, beb' movie, afterall, why make a movie that loses money?


I've just came back from yumchar(tea-drinking) session and let me tell ya about the Mat & Minah Rempits, They're BACK! with a proud vengeance and stupendous vigour. Willies, road-hogging, zipzappingliketheresnotommorrow and with their hoes(bohsias) with their 'leaders' backseat. The rest of the single riders posse rides behind the 'leader' not so as escorts but to have a glamorous view of their leader's bed-hopping bohsia's booty. nice! and I thought I was the only pervert in town.


Pay Attention to the Porn, it's only couple of seconds!

According to The Star, there's 4 eye-popiing scenes. To The MalayMail, it's 2. So you probably get your money's worth if you pay attention to these scenes below regardless of what the papers says:

The controversial scenes include

1. a woman clad in a towel,

2. a man and woman in bed under a blanket,

3. a bohsia seducing a man in bed and

4. a couple frolicking at a picnic site.
~ The Star

Among the controversial scenes include one where actor Aqasha briefly touches co-star Julia Hanas breast(woohoo!), and another where Farid Kamil and Julia Hanaare lying in bed, with only a blanket covering her breasts. (Julia's curvy but heck, show Farid's man-tits for the women too, now that's great non-sex-discrimination-thinking!)
~ The Malay Mail

Below are movies/ entertainers which fell victims to our FCB's '2x Standards' and 'Selective Approval' :

ANY of Yasmin Ahmad's movies,(makes you wonder if it's her controversial works or because of her intelligence)

AGAIN ANY of Amir Muhammad's movies, (poor dude, suffer the same fate as Yasmin or maybe worse in some cases)

Daredevil ~ Because of its Title??? funny I remember Hell Boy got off after its title was changed.

ANY international acts that motivates you to ' Jump, shout, dance with sexual innuendos'


Some well-known Solutions ~ courtesy of the HK film industry and yours truly

- Shoot two endings, the first with the original ending and the second to be 'cop-friendly'

- Skip Malaysia

- Sell it to the 'Pirates' and make it available to the mass.

- Submit it into International Films Festivals, win big and get international recognition but Malaysia. (wow, we sound like Israel ain't it?)

- Upload it to YouTube.com and claim your 15 minutes of Fame.

- Give up film-making and go tender Class-F projects, be a VIP's SIL, lead a Protest (any demo) and finally claimed and live like 'Lord'


To all local film-makers, don't give up your passion to tell stories, the 'Powers that be' does not represent us. They're but a bunch of power-mongering clouts who lacks the simple trait of enjoying a good movie or any form of entertainment ~period


Relevant Links:
-
REMP-IT With No Cuts - The Malay Mail
-
REMP-IT With No Cuts! - The Star
-
Howsy's rant on his fav grp being penalised. =)
-
Entertainment Guidelines Unrealistic - The Malay Mail
-
Yasmin da story teller
-
Amir's The Last Communist blog
-
Zaianne's Rhetoric
- and the cute picture of Orang-utans mimicking Mat Rempits above!

Friday, July 21, 2006

Confessions of a Gilmore Guy

[Listening to: Unknown DVD - Unknown - (00:00)]




Imagine two men sitting on their usual smoking spots outsite the office talking about... The Gilmore Girls. Unimaginable right? Back a few years you get grown men in tears only when their favourite soccer teams gets knocked out of tournaments or when their favourite hero dies in a long run television series. I howled like a neutered pug in heat when Eric Cantona hang his boots and when Tom Hank's John H. Miller lays dying on the smoking bridge when the P-42 Ally plane flew overhead, sending the Krauts scurrying for cover, mission accomplished at the cost of his life and entire platoon. It didn't save Matt Damon's acting career though, shows nothing could save a bad acting, not even after taking a hail of bullets from the Nazis.


But at present, the situation is dire because for these two men find themselves giggling like idiots over the mother and daughter's continous misadventures in an absurd picket fences small american town. Infact the Gilmore girls actually had us believe there are fast-talking, beautiful, intelligent and strong character girls in real-life. C'mon get real, the fact that this is a television series confirms it is surreal and wishful-thinking to have Lorelei as a wife or Rory as your gf. If you're a girl, forget about men being as nice and romantic as Max Medina or a buddy/always-there-for-you cum coffee-provider Mr. Backward-cap Luke. A town where everyone is 'Happy' and on their best 'Prosper Thy Neighbour, Prosper ye' behaviour with fathers and sons wearing matching shirts, old women being across the streets and get this, afro-americans living in a mostly whitey small american brady-bunch town! I heard of afro-americans form Texas with cowboy accents but this takes the icing on the cake. To be politically correct, they need to feature some afro-americans walking behind shots and show 1-2 afro-american casts from time to time which is more than what we have here, Malaysian 'minorities' are usually featured as drug-addicts, social rejects and the occasional comic relief. Still at least the americans are doing their share by potraying colour races as neighbours, remember Rory's best friend is that kooky, music-loving and practically mad Korean girl, Ling with her equally strict up-bringing, antique selling Korean mother who turns her house into a store. Who can forget that annoying bah! humbug french bellhop named Michael (pronouced as Mich-Shell)? All these characters in the show probably reminds us of someone we met in real-life but like Eminem raps, " ...not quite me".


The real-fact the two men mentioned above enjoyed most about the series was the 'Idealistic Idiocracy' contained throughout the series. Where else can you find pair of mother and daughter living in a society where they are not look down upon? In the series, it was reverse, they both turn out to be the most fun-loving and loved people in town. Not sharing the fate of her mother's delinquent misdeeds as a teen resulting in her birth, Rory turns out to be the most level-headed and smart girl amongst her peers. Her mom seems to be every thinking man's fantasy and muse. Some attributes we left behind during the 70s and 80s. And those mind-numbing two-words conversations between Lorelei and Luke had us thinking there are people who could telepathic. Still that's the best series around at the moment and I suggest balancing it with another superb made-for-TV series: Rome or Deadwood. Why? Because getting sucked up in a world of flying doves and peachy life is not good, well not all the time. For that you need a dose of either:
1. Blood, Gore and Nudity (ROME)
2. Gold, whiskey, prostituition, foul-mouthed (Cocksucker!!! - frontier cowboy slang of saying Hi to each other) language for daily usage and throw in lots of 'Flanking Manuevers' (Pioneer-town politics to git' rich)


Better watch BOTH Rome & Deadwood after each episode of The Gilmore Girls. If not, you will start to like yellow daisies and the colour pink.





and oh, Al Svearengen is that bad-ass-evil-mutha tavern owner foul-mouthed character which you can't help but admire in Deadwood.

Links:
If you're a Gilmore Guy, register here, attract lotsa housewives and may the Lord have mercy on your soul:
http://www.gilmoregirls.org/forum/index.php?topic=2279.0

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

JGTC Race Queens Visits Addaudio

[Listening to: Unknown DVD - Unknown - (00:00)]


The hapless JGTC Race Queens, Aki, Hisame and Kaoru has not idea on what they're about to face when they step into Addaudio for a recording session to promote Japan Grand Touring Championship. Jinx the composer led the introduction of our hardy mixed-fluff of horny people to them. Poor girls, I'm sure they had lotsa fun blocking, dodging, parrying all our attacks! Here's the link to a humble documentary made by Jinx to relive that event. Seth is in there too, funny as hell.


Thursday, June 15, 2006

Naming Our Cars

[Listening to: Unknown DVD - Unknown - (00:00)]

[Listening to: Unknown DVD - Unknown - (00:00)]

Was smoking downstairs when one of our managers joined us. They were discussing about a client being impressed with their presentation earlier this week and I suggested to one of the exec using his new LANCER which he got at a bargain price to impress the client further when he goes to meet the client on the next meet.

"You should mentioned about this earlier, then I would have bought my Franky today" - Manager

"Franky?" I blurped.

"My Frankenstein"

He named his modded wira(with a 1.8 turbo GSR), 'Franky'.

Duh.

Then I started thinking about my car...

"Mine's called 'Archie'"

"Archie??" - Manager

"It's old, rattles, hums and a bone-shaker, just like Archie's jalopy" - I explained, it's actually just a wira.

"Ahh, good name" - Manager



Examples:

Cars with only one working front head lamps - Jasin

Cars buried in landslides - Toyo

Cars which parked double parking spaces and about to be summon - Kudus or Kayveas

Cars with fully tinted glass - Badawi

Old abandoned cars grazing at fields - Rafidah

Cars driven by mostly women - Gilmore Girls

A car that aspires to be more than its worth - Akademi Fantasia, Malaysian Idol, One in a Mill, etc.

Cars that rejects its owners - PDRM

Wrecked cars that attempts to make a comeback after some major over-hauls - Anwar



We should all name our cars. Gives that old metal junk a personality it deserves.
Fun stuff.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Jihad Sites on Malaysian IP




Just receive inside scoops regarding 2 sites endorsing terrorism being hosted on a Malaysian IP, none other TMnet, yes! Our TMsux hosts Terrorist sites!

The IP: 202.71.111.77

Sites:
Rwina.com - A Dutch Jihad site. "Dutch goes Jee?" too much smack is no good
Baghdadalrashid.org - Mainly a Jihad forum with Sadam's face as avatars, wow.

Did a 'Reverse IP' on the IP, four domains are hosted on the IP, the other two seems harmless. Finaly you have do a WHOIS on that IP, two 'Malaysia Boleh' names turned up:


person: Azman Ali
address: 20th Floor, Wisma Celcom Semarak
address: Jalan Raja Muda Abdul Aziz
address: 50400 Kuala Lumpur
country: MY
phone: +603-26812075
fax-no: +603-26810186
e-mail: gatekeeper@eastgate.net.my
nic-hdl: AA125-AP
mnt-by: MAINT-MY-EASTGATE
changed: gatekeeper@eastgate.net.my 20050202
source: APNIC


person: mohd Ghazali Sabri
address: 3rd Floor, TM IT Complex
address: 3300 Lingkaran Usahawan 1 Timur
address: 63000 Cyber Jaya Selangor
country: MY
phone: +603-83180322
fax-no: +603-83188061
e-mail: m_ghaza@tm.net.my
nic-hdl: MS283-AP
mnt-by: MAINT-MY-EASTGATE
changed: gmen@tm.net.my 20011126
source: APNIC





Now, imagine a total amateur like yours truly can find out about where a site is hosted especialy just by using 'Reverse IP' tools. In times like this, a mantra easily comes to mind: WWCD


'What Would CIA Do?'


Azman and Ghazali should forfeit their plans to join Akademi Fantasia 5 as hopefuls and go into hiding at Gua Musang, fast!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The BrokeBacks! No More ...til further notice





Seems like the video had to be taken down due to 'Unforeseen Circumstances', nah actually one of their client is using the song, 'Kiss Me' by Sixpence None the Richer for one of their commercials. So The BrokeBacks! will have to stay in the 'closet' til the commercial airs!




Lead rapper/vocalist - Jinx
Background vocal/prancing attempt - Race
The guitarist who plays a Kabala - Teoh

Introducing: The BrokeBacks! Kiss Me MTV




Two audio-engineers and a composer created a 'spur' of the moment music video after being coaxed up together too long in the studios! Elton John might be interested to produce their next LP and Ang Lee to direct their next video.


And oh, none of them knew about their video being posted at YouTube.com...

Monday, May 08, 2006

Keeley Hazell, Wayne Rooney Replacement for World Cup!


Yes!
Please inform Sven there's another 'Up & Coming' 20-year old British Export! What a spectacle she would create and World Cup 2006 is the place for Exploit. She will dazzle both players, fans and even the referees during playoffs. This is a great strategy for the English to 'grab-the-cup' after 40 years of hiatus and near misses. I'm sure she will be pulling some nasty surprise to ensure England's triump if she's chosen to replace injured Rooney.

As for commercial aspects, look at all the potential sponsors, Triumph, Victoria's Secret, Nike Sports Bra("On the field, Only MY ball should bounce!")... I know you're baffled and awe too. Tees that simply says, "My World Cup!", with the sweet girl jumping in exuberance! I'm sure by now, The Beckmania has waned, and only worn by Metrosexual-semiGay-blokes for their Gf, but with Keeley's hot tees, everyone will be, err.. speechless!


After World Cup, think UN Ambassadress of Peace, even Osama and Co would be waving the white flag if they chute her to his hide-out. That will convince all his Jihadists to give up as they have found 'Heaven' is indeed on Earth. The 46 virgins promised would have to milk goats instead and suck dry prunes!


Global Hegemony? Of course! Every desktop OS will never be same without Keeley Hazell dancing and nurturing both the young & old to 'bridging the Digital Divide', if you don't know how to leech pictures on the net, you will cry in despair for Keeley's latest edition of Swimsuit Illustrated is available on the net, Free! Hear Bill cry and howl in misery!


Social-awareness programmes will be a thing of the past, 'Feed the Angolians', Breast Cancer Awareness, Adopt-a-Keeley's Pair orphanage, Keeley's Up-lifting Experience for the not-so-well-endowed programmes and even our own Malaysia Boleh!'s MBoR(Malaysia Book of Records) by having her adopting Malaysia as her 2nd home in the aptly named '2nd Home Programme'. Once being claimed a Malaysian, we could even enter her in ALL sports and expect BIG results, yes, including badminton, soccer and other 'physical' sports. ahem...


I leave you to your imagination on how HUGE it would be if Sven were to replace that ugly redhead with this brunette boopalooza. Afterall he does have a soft spot for... ehem, 'Gifted' girls!


Long Live the New Rack!

Sunday, May 07, 2006

of moronic Tees and the dark hair beauty.



2.53am on a dumb weekend. Circling through my favourite bloggers, noticed some ads on his site(tuckermax.com), came across a Tee site which hits the spot! How many asswipes have you seen running around with their collars up? If he's your BF or your 'Brokeback Mountain' partner, then start asking these morons to wear his tees properly and stop making an ass outha BOTH of you.


Got a reply from a blogger I've came across which has 'Melissa Yenty' tag on her blog. M. Yenty is a wide-eye 'Avril Lavigne' look-a-like audio-engineer who's been with Addaudio for like a couple of months. I've only found out this week that she left in pursuit of something she loves doing. This blogger whom I encounter started a conversation with me on MSN 'coz I thought she was still looking for her as she's now at NY.
Then she asks,"Are you stalking her?"
me: "Yeah, you can say that...sorta"

I was checking on Google if M. Yenty actually has a blog. Her friend said she has, even before PPS started. Hmm.. I started to wonder, wtf was I doing in my teens... ahh... it must be like a diary but the big difference is, it's now public. Whatever thing you put on the net, you've to start getting comfortable with it or at least think twice before you click the 'Publish Post' button.


Back to M. Yenty, never got to spoke to her longer than a minute. Long black hair, huge puppy eyes and pouty lips, always clucthing a novel or Archie while waiting for her ride home. In fact, I told her before she reminded me of the MNG billboard at Phileo Damansara on the way to work each day. Here's a pic of the MNG's Spring Collection model, Bianca Balti. She emites the surreal dark beauty that comes once awhile in your life and before you know it, she's gone. Here's a toast to her success in all her endeavours!



I still get to see the billboard everyday while driving to work before it gets taken down eventually.=P