Saturday, December 30, 2006

Sadam Snuffed, Partee On!

Aie demant goats an sheeps be sacrificed to commemorate the day I getz  strung like a ded pussie  on a tree!

BAGHDAD, Iraq -Saddam Hussein struggled briefly after American military guards handed him over to Iraqi executioners. But as his final moments approached, he grew calm. He clutched a Quran as he was led to the gallows, and in one final moment of defiance, refused to have a hood pulled over his head before facing the same fate he was accused of inflicting on countless thousands during a quarter-century of ruthless power.

Good Fuckin’ Riddance

"Now, he is in the garbage of history," said Jawad Abdul-Aziz, who lost his father, three brothers and 22 cousins in the reprisal killings that followed a botched 1982 assassination attempt against Saddam in the Shiite town of Dujail.

1 – 26 + 1 Angsty survivor?
Not a fair trade at all. He should be force to meet with everyone of the surviving victims of his massacres and genocides. Should he dies suffering from overwhelming guilt then it’s a small redemption for a lil’ piece of his soul, BUT HELL, WE’RE TALKING ABOUT GOOD OL KILLIN’ MACHINE SADAM HERE! No sleep for the wicked not even in death.

President Bush
said in a statement issued from his ranch in Texas that bringing Saddam to justice "is an important milestone on Iraq's course to becoming a democracy that can govern, sustain and defend itself, and be an ally in the war on terror."

What a load of turkeyshit. Just say you want Daddy’s lurve lar for finishing a mess Daddy made 16 years ago. Not! He made a bigger pile of Poo in Iraq than Daddy did! Now… if only Bush’s girls ever attempt politics… oh, no the world will not be able to stand another ‘Bush’. Bush’s Girls? Cheesy 3rd-rated Porn maybe…

Within hours of Saddam's execution, a bomb planted aboard a minibus exploded in a fish market south of Baghdad, killing 17 people, said Haidr Nahi, service director of the al-Furat al-Awssat Hospital. Some 26 others were wounded in the explosion in Kufa, a Shiite town 100 miles south of the Iraqi capital.

Hell, even at death he could stil ‘pull’ a few with him. He should be Death incarnated, that way children’s bedtime stories will never be the same again.

Ali Hamza, a 30-year-old university professor, said he went outside to shoot his gun into the air after he learned of Saddam's death.

"Now all the victims' families will be happy because Saddam got his just sentence," said Hamza, who lives in Diwaniyah, a Shiite town 80 miles south of Baghdad.

Ladies in burqa and gentlemen in white maternity dress, we have ourselves the first gun-totting Professor who lets out bursts of AK in the air to celebrate. Just imagine the Bloodshed if he ever gets a Nobel…

“The president, the leader Saddam Hussein is a martyr and God will put him along with other martyrs. Do not be sad nor complain because he has died the death of a holy warrior," said Sheik Yahya al-Attawi, a cleric at the Saddam Big Mosque.

Speechless except for the aptly-named Sadam Big Mosque, well you know when they named a mosque after something ‘BIG’ on you, you must be ‘SMALL’ on something… lolx

Saddam's half-brother Barzan Ibrahim and Awad Hamed al-Bandar, the former chief justice of the Revolutionary Court, were not hanged along with their former leader as originally planned. Officials wanted to reserve the occasion for Saddam alone.

WTF is a half-brother? Sadam’s father ‘half-fucked’ his mama and produced a ‘half-brother’ with ‘half-a-brain’? Chief Justice somor, no wonder so many innocent Iraqis died. Me wonders if this CJ with ‘half-a-brain’ sentences Iraqis to the gallows with his tiny ‘half-hammer’ in his ‘half-court’ with ‘half-packed’ courtroom. Half!

"We wanted him to be executed on a special day," National Security adviser Mouwafak al-Rubaie told state-run al-Iraqiya television.

Wow, Malaysia has so many holidays each year, I betcha we could actually take in some of these war-criminals and finish executing them before 2020 for every ‘festival’ we have. We’re glad to ‘help’.

"This is the end of an era in Iraq," al-Nauimi said from Doha, Qatar. "The Baath regime ruled for 35 years. Saddam was vice president or president of Iraq during those years. For Iraqis, he will be very well remembered. Like a martyr, he died for the sake of his country."

Sake = Japanese Rice Wine. He must be an idiot in Geography. kd-lah

Go Fuck Yourself (GFY)
Akin to German Neo-Nazis glorifying Hitler unleashing his damnation on the world. The summary below doesn’t even do juctice to his ‘legacy’ of Genocides and his poor attempt at being a Blood-thirsty Tyrant.

Saddam's own regime used executions and extrajudicial killings as a tool of political repression, both to eliminate real or suspected political opponents and to maintain a reign of terror.

In the months after he seized power on July 16, 1979, he had hundreds of members of his own party and army officers slain. In 1996, he ordered the slaying of two sons-in-law who had defected to Jordan but returned to Baghdad after receiving guarantees of safety.

Saddam built Iraq into a one of the Arab world's most modern societies, but then plunged the country into an eight-year war with neighboring killed hundreds of thousands of people on both sides and wrecked Iraq's economy.

When the U.S. invaded in 2003, Iraqis had been transformed from among the region's most prosperous people to some of its most impoverished.

*Prays to his mentor in the Netherworld, James Brown to guitar-whipped and floor-split Sadam’s balls. Sadam will be easy to spot ‘coz he will be the one cross-dressing in a red bra with panty-hose, just like the movies.

Party on peeps and Happy New Year!

Turkey Joke of the Year!

Yeah, we ALL know it's a baaaaddd joke...

Sunday, December 24, 2006


Merry Christmas to all and May Santa brings these Santa Rinas to your pad!
– Image courtesy of Bangbros.

For the rest of you underages peeps, here’s a Candy Cane to suck on:

May you wound up pissed drunk in a sea of egg nog! *burp!

and kids, you know Christmas ain’t about all of above,
Here’s the 101

Merry Christmas and May your PS3 comes with games in a sack load!<---buahahahah!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Protection for Muslims?

“He said the law, among other things, prohibits non-Muslims from trying to coax Muslims into embracing other religions…enforces a law aimed at protecting the faith of the Muslims from next year.”

Mentri Bodoh Latuk Seksa Shaitan Kassim

Latuk, What about ‘laws’ to protect non-Muslims?
Like ‘coaxing Non-muslims into embracing Islam’? <—no need to elaboratelah, you all can think and remember the cases and situations.

This is the taxpayer’s $$$ Abyss, establishing ‘enforcer’(Thugs) organisations with zealots who in the real world couldn’t get a decent job at 7–11s.
Which by the way would make these perverts as bad as Pedos, Japs who sniffs stained panties or French Gays who loves to FISTS themselves(watch the mind fucked ‘Irreversible’ movie starring Monica Belluci). Are these ‘organisations’ made legal to justify perversion?

“Shaitan said those who committed offences under its provisions could be charged in a civil court and if convicted, could be jailed or fined or both.”

Aiek, civil court? for khalwat, not performing Friday prayers, etc? Either mis-print(rarely since there’s so many editors) or the ‘mentri’ contradicts himself as usual.
Or just maybe he meant all you N-M(non-muslims) will be subjected under the syariah court but charged under the civil court. Now Me wonders how it works.

“Mr. Loh Ah Kau, you are hereby charge with having close proximity.. errr… being in a state of closeness with Ms. blabla binti blabla…”
“but your Highness, I was just changing her flat tyre on a highway watched by millions…”
“Aha! Exhibitionists! Another count for ‘indecency act’!”

Hey, stop. Why does an ‘Infidel’ like me touch on this issues? I have no right to even utter the word ‘Islam’ since I’m not one.
Personally I don’t give 2 hoots but one thing I can’t stand are the ‘Silent Majority’ of Muslims in Malaysia. If there’s such thing as a ‘SM’ out there then you have failed this country and the most important of all, your conscience by remaining ‘Silent’

Puh-leez tell me yall don’t need this ‘Protection’ under Islam. For the rest of ‘us’, condoms and umbrellas will do-lah

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

BIO Term for the Day! - BIOnik~ bai.oh.nik

In the spirit of all things ‘Bio’ which has been a recent chant of a clueless nation, we* are proud to announce an awareness program called ‘BIO Term for the Day’ or BTFRD(~ pronounce as Bffftttt! with emphasis on the exclamation – Mob).

In the true Malaysian spirit of advocating anything obscure and insanely stupid(sorry, we ran out of binaries listing just the recent stunts – Mob), here we would to educate the rakyat on the ‘BIO’ terminology which for the next 2 years until the next General Election will reign free and dominantly on lips of all Malaysian Malays, Malaysian Chinese, Malaysian Indians and Malaysian ‘Others’(Hey, don’t blame me, ask the Malaysia Unity something for clarification – Mob).

BIO Term for the Day.

1. Our poor attempt to localize a term by changing the last alphabet with a ‘K’ pertaining to anything Bionic.
2. Head of state, Kelantann, Nik Azeez went to his backyard to pick some weed for his Hash-cupcakes baking lessons when he was caught by the paparazzi. In the essence of ‘missing the point’, Malaysia newsmen painted a
picture of the Opposition having supported the call of the ruling coalition to promote ‘Bio-farming’ and shit, hence ‘BIO-Nik’. ‘BIO-Lim’ term would follow suit as soon as the gov-funded media agencies catches the Opposition leader in a ‘flora-compromised’ situation.
3. BIO-Lick would have sounded obscene.

-Related forms
bai.oh.nik.lee, adverb
Nik Azeez and Mr. Lee Kwan You harvesting ganja leaves together.

*Reason ‘we’ are emphasized here so ‘we’ sounds like there’s massive amount of people behind this initiative, but it’s actually just ‘Me, Myself and sikh named Dupree Singh’.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Kelantan: Exodus of women?

Hell, If you’re live in a state where you will be fined RM500 for ‘Dressing Indecent’ which by the way is comforting to know is up to the discredition of overzealous religious ‘officers’, then the ticket to other states is just a bus-station away.

And the segregation of sexes in dances? I’m sure it’s all quite blown out of proportion by the media under Barisan Najis, I mean, nobody in their right mind would be issue dumb ideas and have it contradicted by its own party… oh, we’re talking about party which has Erred in the past. Let me paint you a picture on men dancing with each other, remember those arab dudes cheering at football stadiums err… at some arab stadium? Fully clad ‘maternity’ white dresses and all BUT now at a closer proximity. 

Disgusting… (I meant our own Kelantan-version, of course, no offence to our Arab fans of the balls, footballs!) 

Hey, at least they go back to their wives at home. If Kelantan ever implement these ‘dance moves’, I guess when these women will start becoming nomads there will be no stopping them.

Once the girls and women are gone, what does the men do?

Ask Singapore.
tsk, tsk low-blow? yes-yes.

Monday, December 11, 2006

The State of Flim-making at Bolehland

Apple and Langsat?

Orange and Lambutan?

Makes you feel stupid, doesn’t it?
Hey what do I know, I’m just putting two pics next to each other.

Anyone that says support Malaysian-made products one more time…

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Wanita DUMNO = Women for Aryan Unity?

Women for Aryan Unity

Echoing Hitler's view that women should focus on "Kirche, Küche, Kinder" (church, kitchen, children), the Women for Aryan Unity Web site urges racist women to "stand by" their husbands by keeping their home, providing for their "comfort," and indoctrinating their children with hate. Encouraging women to focus on "midwifery," "survival cooking," and "education," the site instructs racist women to take up weapons and sound the "battle cry" only if their husbands "fall." These women are upset that they have been taught they "are no longer needed in the home as wives and mothers" and angered that they "have been forced to compete with men for the males' jobs."

Wanita DUMNO

Wives of certain muslim cabinet ministers wear clothes are too revealing.
“There are people going around in clothes that exposed three quarters of their bodies!”
(Funny, if it’s 3/4 of the body that means she’s either topless or pantiless and you should’ve called me! – Mob)

Drug addicts should be marooned on an island instead of allowing them the hotel-like luxuries at rehabilitation centres.  “Let them survive on the island's worms and moss.”  
(Let’s see if this Wanita DUMNO would say the same thing IF her own family or relatives in similar situation – Mob)

She said there were too many foreign dramas with bad elements that distracted women from their chores. 
(Chores? I thought genuine women are fighting for equality at workplace and salaries, not washing dishes and mopping the floor. So she herself is neglecting her own ‘Chores’ since she went to talk cock at the GA isn’t it? – Mob)

Raheeemah said someone from DUMNO should be heading the Energy, Water and Communications Ministry and monitoring these dramas instead of Datuk Seri Dr Lim Koh Yak.  

“There are many of us in DUMNO who can lead the ministry,” she added.  

(I’m sure the street name of DUMNO says it all.-Mob)

There you have it, our very own local WAU(Women for Aryan Unity) uttering total crap after too much jamu makan FREE at the GA. 


Saturday, November 18, 2006

Kristallnacht in Bolehland? and the Chaos Theory

What the hell is ‘Kristallnacht’?
Hell is correct when it’s used to describe Kristallnacht also known as:
Reichkristallnacht, Novemberpogrome, Pogromnacht and finaly to the rest of the world ‘Night of the Broken Glass’. One of the main readon for calling it a ‘Crystal Night’ it because of the shops windows and house of a certain defenceless race being broken to pieces and ransacked and thus it was sarcastically named by the Instigators during the night.

Google ‘Kristallnacht’ and ‘Wiki’ and all will be clear. Signs are already pointing we’re heading a similar collision. A certain race are being highlighted/blamed/accused for all the troubles and woes of another race by leaders of this Nazi-like coalition which doesn’t make any sense as they’ve been in power for 5 decades. This Neo-Nazi Unholy Alliance had been systematically breaking and leading the assault on anyone who’s not their ‘own’ and berrating innocent hard working people. Most new generations has never known the hardship and sufferings of that night which eventually led to the outbreak of World War II.

An Example of ‘ Kristallnacht’ which broken shop windows shimmering at night.

A certain race which are being blamed for all the troubles of another being arrested and led to concentration camps.

Foreign papers alarmed the world with the new emergence of Hate 50 years ago.

Yes, most of us ordinary people in this once-called Multicultural society has the utmost respect for each other but when crazed leaders are desperate, they will do anything and I meant ‘anything’ to stay in power just another day, even if it means the sacrifice of human lives and plunging the nation into Chaos.

How could that be? When you’re in Chaos, everything should be ‘uncontrollable’ and a complete disorder right?
The Chaos Theory as highlighted by Lorenz says although the effects of chaos appears to ‘look’ random and changes dynamicaly, a pattern emerges! It’s this pattern which determines and defines ‘chaos’ or the ‘Butterfly Effect’. We have to look at the Chaos theory closely because our socio-political environment seems to suggests we’re heading towards it!

How to recognised the Chaos theory in action>
You have to look at how a certain coalition party in action, this coalition was formed based on an event which would have led to a to a dramatic change to our history as we knew it, but Inertia proves that if the disturbing force is not equal or more than its force, it refuses to bulge and repels any ‘outsite’ force which disrupts its flow. You would have thought the ‘inertia’ is certain ‘majority’ party, sorry wrong again. the inertia said is actually the sentiments of the majority! In democracy, the ‘inertia’ or force is actually the minds and needs of the people. the opposing force is actually the ruling coalition which is a small ‘force of Elites’ trying for the last 5 decades to unbridled the Inertia or mindset of the people with its Chaos Theory(Racial/Religion issues). Everyone recoqnised race and religion as clear as day but through the human spirit, we had formed the Inertia which overwhelms any opposing changes which tries to disrupts its path. These small opposing force realised their attempts are in vain unless they come up with a new trick in town. Mind you, Lorenz theorised the Chaos theory ages ago but some smart ass in the ruling elites must have stumbled upon it during his time at Oxford or some maktabin Kuala Kangsar.

The Chaos Theory.
By realising they couldn’t make the inertia move to their liking, they are slowly changing its course instead. They had 50 years to do just that, ok maybe some early leaders does initiated moves to the right direction and its intention were indeed noble. True sincerity are intentions are spot on, and it yields greatly. Ok, zoom back to the last 20 years, we have our ‘flow’ of force, yes there were some minor ‘disturbances’ and some scandals but all’s well in Bolehland. Now just take 5 years back, a ‘pattern’ emerges after an influential kepala steps down. Suddenly the inertia became ‘weak’, its path uncharted and unclear eventhough the said kepala has set its course on Autopilot. Here is when everyone thought it’s becoming ‘chaotic’ as the new emperor appears to be manipulated by someone who knew the Lorenz’s theory well. He’s young, eager and ambitious. It’s perfectly clear he’s IMPATIENT because of the theory he has put into great effect. He sets up his events which will trigger the ‘Butterfly Effect’, by instigating a mindless set of imps and rouse their egos that everything under the sun on this country is not ‘shared’ but whole-owned by them. They can be ‘masters’ of their own istanas and live off the fat of the land. ‘Chaotic’ or dynamic contents emerges and we suddenly have a chain of socio injustice events which will need dismantling of the charted courses. We have dynamics which appears randomly and doesn’t make logical senses! Take for instance the case of the alleged socio-negligence on the idiot ex-Raja Bodek of Penang, Penang has the least poverty in the whole Bolehland and yet, a significant event of which a puppet thug-leader has played its role under this Chaos Master to incite and impress the nation that there are people being ‘marginalised’.

At first, all the events are unnoticable but soon you realised you can’t escape from this well-intended ‘Dynamic content’ which are being pushed and shove up our throats. These events are meant to trigger the Chaotic situation where it appears to be disorderly but you can bet there’s always a Chaos masters riding and benefiting from all this. And when the dust finaly settles, he/she would ‘Rise a Knight’ and diligently act to ‘save the nation’.

Beware the Chaos masters in our midst.

 This was written after the author took half a pill of Rinofort for flu, he’s now dozing piecefully…

Visit Bolehland 2007: ' Bolehland Truly Dhimmi'

Another Successful Project by BN

Tee-dak Boleeh!

No Way Jo-seh


“Satu Lagi Projek Yang Berjaya Oleh Barisan Najis!”

Undilah Barisan Najis 2007!

The NEP: National Economic Pulley or a well-deserving bath

Naw That's one pimp-up ride!



“By Golly, if this is what they wanted, we will give them!” – G. Pundeet(a character ripped-off from Amir Muhammed’s NST column)

Friday, November 17, 2006

Nori Appreciates Little Things ...lolx

Yeah a HUGE sense of humour! buhahahahahaha
Bananas in Pa-ja-mas!
Yes, dear Noree,

Be STRONG even when your ‘Cutesy-pie’ has shown the whole nation how small a man he could be.
Or you could have that ‘all girl-friends Jamaican’ vacation you’ve planned to get your Groove back, woman.

Bolehland Nursery Rhyme Gone Wrong

superior race? ya gottha be shittin' me

Look Ma, I yam not on HDTV yet! Damn you PAL

The Nazi has a standard time for Mass Urinating! All together nowz, grabz, pullz and pizzzz

Now, doesn’t these pics remind you of a certain Assembly?

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Some Fler Kissing a Keris

“Don't test me! …smelling this replica! Yo, Khai, you want sum of these? This is some good shit!”

“Naah, I’m good, you can have the whole relic” *cringes in disgust and snigger at the thought of how he dip the AhMing Saree replica in his F-I-L’s personal latrine minutes ago.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Perang ++++++++ ?

Did I just blaspheme?
And Those dang biskuT are jusT irresisTible!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Sexy Dress Code and Distorted Pixels

The MONSTER Paper:
"We are not saying that she was at fault for wearing a skirt, but we need to look whether there is any loophole in the dress code,"

The Bintang Paper:
“If the dress was not sexy, the incident would not have happened.”

Who’s the Spin-Meister?

I’ve noticed the Raksaksa paper has been ‘downplaying’ issue, replacing genuine context of reporting with lame verbs and nouns. I betcha’ no Municipal Councillor could put together a single phrase of English decently, but with the help of Raksaksa spin-doctors and male nurses, they appeared before the public like pendekar waiving his keris in all his glory.

As you can clearly see the difference in terms of context and even the length of words being used to describe the same event, the Raksaksa paper is condemning itself into obscure and awkward position in minds of the public.

As of late, the Raksaksa paper has been campaigning hard for the AMNO cause, check the articles for yourself, 5 of 7 top articles are how devilishly great AMNO politicians are, how generous they have been, the amounts of contribution they’ve done, yadayadayada. When it comes to their wrong-doings, it’s harder to spot than Waldo.

Until now, the Raksaksa paper still ‘pixelised’ the handsome face of Mongolian-c4–suspect with crude boxes. Such a shame! His once-poster boy face would actually enhance his position as the most-sought-after-jail-biatch once he enters incarceration. Might earn him a couple of more ciggies and ritual romp with only 2 dudes!

As for the MPPPPPPPPPP(the extra Ps incorporates Puki, Pantat, etc – Mob) Count Dracula should get a piece of advise himself: KEEP HIS OWN LIMP & TINY PRICK IN CHECK BEFORE DOING A PRESS CONFERENCE!


Thursday, November 09, 2006

KABOOM! @#$%*&^%

The Protaganist
The thinking Hero who uses his mental prowess to ‘solve’ issues rather than using brute power, well he wasn’t thinking, isn’t he? When the smaller head takes over the bigger head, he’s in big ‘twouble’.

The Exotic Beauty and More-than-partner-partner
The exotic beauty who was the ‘Hero’ ‘s aide, well until she lost herself in that ‘one night of passion’ with the lead character and thus forever condemned to suffer for Eternity(Don’t worry, her polygons are still with the Developers, ——->the baby! so the bloodline continues – Mob)

The Plot ~ Black Mail
The Plot or in his case, Blackmail.

The Pros
The impression which the ‘Hired Pros’ projected to The Protagonist(refer above) to ‘Settle the Matter’.

The Goons
The Goons.
Like I’ve said, he wasn’t thinking.

Needless to say it didn’t went well. Like the mother-of-all-fuck-ups, the Protagonist slips up when it involves more than E=mc². The protagonist has the brains, the wits and a great orator to the mass, but sucks when it’s Emo time with lotsa mushy passion. Throw in a scenery of exotic landscape and high-altitude sex, the protagonist got himself knocked out breathless. Totally not in control, totally not himself. When he got a grip of himself, he left hurriedly and return to ‘normality’, to his country, his wife and work.

Heeeeey, who the FUCK CARES about your friggin’ romp with some tribe?
The question remains:


p/s: If you’re still thinking I’m talking ‘bout Gordon Freeman of Half-Life, then you need to read the papers, peeps!

Monday, November 06, 2006

NAZI: Bangsa Malaysia Concept Not Acceptable

We're the 4th Reich! Bow before us you Underlings!

His comrades-in-talkcock rallies to support this new uberFührer?

“If we were to divide mankind into three groups, the founders of culture, the bearers of culture, the destroyers of culture, only the Aryan could be considered as the representative of the first group. From him originate the foundations and walls of all human creation, and only the outward form and colour are determined by the changing traits of character of the various peoples.” – The very dead & not-missed A daft Hitler.

It’s tough NOT to see the similarities.

Friday, November 03, 2006

RM100b BolehTalk

Check these quotes and please do try not to laugh!

On our economic slump and leadership
"I feel good about what is happening. I see real passion and commitment by the prime m****ter and he is not distracted at all, we are staying focused."

Citing South Korea driven by technology and national spirit to transform it into a major international heavyweight and developed nation
"Whatever they can do, we can do and do it better. We have stronger reasons and we do not have the political trauma they have had."

On bottlenecks occurred during implementation of projects and late payments by ministries
"We are not going to let anyone get in our way, and we are looking at all the processes. The Cheat Secretary to the Governm**** has the full commitment of the civil service," he said.

On government’s figures to measure Bumiputera corporate ownership
"Ours is a methodology which is internationally supervised, and it has never been manipulated. The figures are true, honest and of the highest integrity," he said.

Is this guy living in his own world? (Planet Bongabonga? –Mob)
No wonder he got himself a Mythical Princess as his new Missus.
Be very, very afraid when your ‘leaders’ tells you tall-tales and giants walks amongst us!

As a great children’s author once told the children of the world 2 centuries ago:
And so the Emperor set off under the high canopy, at the head of the great procession. It was a great success. All the people standing by and at the windows cheered and cried,

"Oh, how splendid are the Emperor's new clothes.
What a magnificent train!
How well the clothes fit!"

No one dared to admit that he couldn't see anything, for who would want it to be known that he was either stupid or unfit for his post?

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Climate of Cheer???

If a certain big bodek coalition (toilet)paper think we’re not under a ‘Climate of Fear’ as described by *jeng, jeng, jeng The GOM(Grand Ol Man) – preferably voiced by James. Earl Jones – Mob

Then this list of facts below are a mere fiction and should be treated accordingly.

List of facts :
1. Force closure of at least 3 press companies this year alone.
2. Books being banned as ‘deemed not suitable for the public’.
3. Conglomerates are buying into bloggers to make sure they do not write ‘bad’ articles of their wrong-doings.
4. Transperancy does not exist.
5. Meritrocracy does not exist.
6. Selective prosecution of certain individuals while MPs and Councillors abuse of power and influence goes unabeited.
7. IPCMC is in Limbo.
8. Independent press and media are constantly being warned on publishing ‘damaging’ reports.
9. Biased press and media coverage owned by the ruling coalition .
10. Official events/festivals/functions being used to propagate partisan politics when it’s irrelevent to the events/festivals/functions.
11. Civil projects payed by Taxpayers are forced to put propaganda slogans like, ‘Another Successful Project by *.
12. Peaceful protest are broken by authorities using violence on pretext of “Authorities are just defending themselves!”.
13. Denial of facts and constantly warning the rakyat ‘Not to challenge/question the *.
14. Racial sentiments are play out everytime certain wrong-doings of those in power are highlighted in the media and press.
15. Accountability does not exists.
16. Investigations in wastage of public funds are hampered and left to rot.
17. Judiciary powers are not free from ‘influences’ from *.
18. Certain uniformed organisation could break into private premises without a warrant on pretense of searching of illegals.
19. The existence of ISA.
20. Morale ‘police’ paid with Taxpayers fund to snoop, summon and detain the public deemed as behaving ‘undecently’.
21. Falsification the well-being of our economy.
22. Forcing hikes and ceilings on essentials without proper justification.
23. Using taxpayer’s funds for ‘Grandeur’ projects like: ‘space-missions’, ‘solo-around-the-world’(air/water/land), north-pole again, etc when it could be better spend on eradicating poverty at home.
24. Money-politics.
25. Banned movies and songs because of its titles???
26. Influencing and planting propaganda in education system with pro- organisations and selectively changing/omiting/’consolidating’ historical figures to champion * .
27. Rebranding of moped hell-raisers and road-terrorists under ‘Cemerlang’ banners.
28. Reasons why I’m writing these under acronyms/teka-teki/avatars and it’s good to end at this number, 2–8(Yee-Fatt, Easy to prosper – Mob)

and all I did was to spent like 15 minutes compiling this ‘small’ list. I’m sure readers could add more.
Not a ‘police state’?
You decide.

* Brickbats should be used on certain entities whose eveeel has surpassed those of ‘iblis’ like ‘doses of venom’ it seeks to poison and undermine this young nation from its greatness. Thanks for advocating it to me, KTemoc. :)

Monday, October 16, 2006

G.O.V. Prepared To Show How It Premature Ejaculate! ~ Planet Bongabonga -49th

Macho Macho!

The G.O.V(Gays On Viagra) is prepared to reveal the methodology and data used to calculate the 18.9% PENIS GROWTH was direct result of usage of the infamous impotence drug by members of G.O.V.(also known as Gian in local sign-language – Mob ), Datin Seri Najeeb Tush Lazat the Gay One(G1) said yesterday. 

The Deputy Prime Roast said the G.o.vmen’s short penis gain amongst its ranks was based on detailed and objective studies. i.e. snooping on their members when they’re corpulating vigorously

“The statistics are not modified for the interest of any gender. If it is necessary and there are doubts, we will release the data,” he said smirking anf thumping his rather gigantic… nose

Najeeb said there should not be any cynical remarks implying that the G.o.vmen has really short pricks

“The statement gives a picture as though the G.o.vmen are lame gay men. We carried out the study based on an objective ASSessment,” he told reporters at the launch of a free-sex campaign here while emphasizing they’re real Gentle-Men although statitics showed they’re falling way behind other GAY communities in terms of Penis-Growth!

GAYRAVECUNT president Datoo Seri Dildo Lim Peh Yikes! had said that while the rave party stood by the G.o.vmen’s fine gayish figures, it wanted the public to know how the figure was arrived at. Whether if it’s medical-wonders or through ‘hard’ practise and manipulation! He wants to ‘help’ his fellow GAY-Party components enjoy the same 45% penis extension as GAYRAVECUNT members. 

The issue of’s Penis Enlargement came up when the Centre for Penis Policy Studies of the Asian GAY Strategy and Leadership Institute (AsGay) published a study that showed G.O.Vmen member’s premature ‘extensions’ in pubic-listed companies could be as long as 45% from its normal length during a hard-on.  

AsGay later retracted the report, saying the study was based on faulty filthy assumptions.  

Among the questions which had been asked over the methodology was whether companies(GAYlink) should be included in the pemature ejaculation. Another was whether the measurement of their penises were calculated at par or real gay market value. 

UPYOURS vice-president Tan Sri MuCKhyoSardin YesItsaSin said it was a good idea for the to reveal how their willies only gain 18.9% enlargement when AsGAY got 45%. 

“As much as this has been accepted as the official masturbation formula, many may be unaware of it,” he said, adding that he did not think the wanted to hide anything eventhough their penises are short of expectations. 

Datoo Seri Mod All Rusty, who is also an UPYOURS vice-president, said the’s 18.9% lame willieextension was already stated in the Nymph Malaysia Plan.  

He said he would support any move by the to reveal how their dicks achieved so little achievement compare to the other dicks. 

Mod All Rusty, who is also Malacca Chief Masturbator, said companies like Tenaga Nasional Buttocks and PETronASS, which served all Malaysians gays, should not be regarded as companies in any premature ejaculations. 

GAYRAVECUNT spread-eagle committee member Datoo Took See Fart, who had been speaking out on the issue, said the public would welcum the suggestion on G.O.Vmen methodology of achieving such miniscule success 

“People generally want the G.O.Vmento be more transparent and open about the ‘manual manipulation’ used in obtaining the figure,” he said while lubing his cock. 

He hoped that the Cum Planning Unit and other bodies would look positively at the methodology used in AsGay’s study.  

MCA(Ma Cau hAi!) GAY-Youth chief Datoo Liow Yee Chai(aka Twisted Ears) said official statistics should be made accessible to every one so that they could be used for WHAT-NOT-TO-DO reference for Penis-Enlargement research. 

He said as long as the G.O.Vmen was transparent, cuntfusion could be avoided because as gaymen, they rather stay intercourse with men.

Mob reporting for Alternate Lifestyle Section(Filling in for ‘Jackie’ who’s down with a nasty after too much raving the night before) at InterPlanetary Crappy News. ADVERTISEMENT: ButtPlug! ButtPlug! ButtPlug! ButtPlug! ButtPlug! ButtPlug!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Cloner In The Dark Over Cloning Himself - Planet Bongabonga -49th

Dr. MuhamMADxx Abduloo Ghanixx # 456 came forward to declare that he was the original humanoid cloner implicated by two toiletpapers as being involved in a ‘self-cloning’ scam. 

“I am the only Genitalist in this country who has been given bulk CPs(Cloning Permits) to clone identical self of his clients,” he said multiplying himself.

However, Dr. MuhamMADxx # 455 said, he had stopped managing his lavatory(how you think he clones? by pissing of course! – Mob), which smuggle reconditioned and used human organs, since his appointment as TDC(The Designated Cloner) six years ago

“My clone and his staff consisting of more clones have been running the show. I am not involved in the business at all. I don’t know what was going on although the CPs were issued under my clone’s clone’s name,” he said mirroring himself.

The two water closets reported yesterday that a cloner and his clone had collaborated to clone the clones. They reported that the Custom Clone Department(CUM) had evidence of the scam with the seizure of at least 20 imported luxury human organs and various nerve systems brought in under cloned clones of clones. 

“I deny any involvement in any shady deals,” said Dr. MuhamMADxx who lodged a toilet flush over the toiletpaper articles in Kota Baroo yesterday.  

“I have no knowledge of how the clones were cloned. It is not right for the toiletpapers to say I was involved. The allegations are stink, pong and downright shitty.” 

“I have pull a flush on this.” 

He said that when Custom Clone Department officers(CUM) investigated cloned clones at his lavatory late last year, he had cooperated with them in the mass anal-probing

Dr. MuhamMADxx, who has a 44.4444% stakes/impaler in the MudValley-based cloning lavatory, claimed somebody else had cloned him and sold himself for a profit. 

“I want the CUMs to investigate this matter and the allegations made by the toiletpapers against me,” he said scrtching his clone.

Custom cloning-preventive division director’s other clone Mohamedo Adnano Ariffino #389 said yesterday the cloner was given about 70 CPs a year, while another cloner received some 300 CPs from the International Tirade and Tyranny Ministry. 

He said investigations revealed that cloned clones were used because the two clone’s lavatories imported human organs beyond their quota. 

The cloner’s  lavatory imported about 150 luxury human body-parts such as branded Mercedes Genitals, Bladder MW, Mazda Kidneys and Toyota Spleens while the other businessman brought in 700 Hyundai small intestines, he said. 

Adnano #389 said the cloned clones were not detected earlier “because they were used in different places and at different times.” 

The department, he said, was unable to authenticate the validity of the clones when the documents were used. While the CUM database could verify that such an CP existed, it did not indicate whether the CP had been used, he explained obviously contradicting his clone’s statements. 

When the CUMs learnt late last year that the two lavatories’ human organ imports exceeded their quota, the department suspected that cloned CPs were used. 

Early this year, The BlightedStar reported that the CUMs Department found that some CPs had been “recycled”.  

CUMs director-general’s clone Datuk Abdulo Rahmano Abduol Hamido # 55 recently announced that three cloning lavatories, including two well-known cloners and importers, would be charged soon with abusing their cloning technology. 

Adnano #389 said the investigation papers had been forwarded to the Attorney-General’s Other-Half Chambers of Cloning the Clones. 

Early this year, the ministry set new conditions that require the Heart and Liver numbers of imported human-organs to be stated in the CP. 

“Since then, we have not detected any duplication or cloning of clones. We hope this will bring an end to such scams,” he said repeating himself.

– Reported by Mob’s clone * 34 for Interplanetary Crappy News
– Reported by Mob’s clone * 35 for Interplanetary Crappy News
Seeing double? of course, use EYEMOMO on your 3rd eye for daily relief!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Azmee Khaled - I can't even see my Wife in this HAZE and I'm horneee... - Planet Bongbonga -49th

HAMKALING JAYA: Punish them! That is what Natural Noise and Air-waves Environment Minstrel Datuk Seri Azmee Khaled has to say to the Indonesian Government about Malaysian Newscasters in Indonesia which may be polluting the air waves.

Malaysia will not protect any Malaysian newscasters in Indonesia which may be contributing to the haze by broadcasting unsanctioned radio waves which causes the Haze blanketing the entire South-East Asia Car-Park.

Spot the Curves in the Haze if you can!

“We are not here to mute anyone, and we implore Indonesia to impose the most severe gag under their law to anyone found guilty,” he said while rubbing the poster of his famous ex-newscaster wife, NoMale SameSardin.

Azmee's comments were in reply to reports in the Indonesian media that some of the culprits involved in open Noise-Haze were Malaysian-owned broadcasting companies.

“However, even the Indonesian Government has confirmed that the Noize(Noise +Haze – mob) is coming from the traditional open transmission activities of CB-radios and not our propaganda…err I meant broadcasting companies.

“But I would like to reiterate that Malaysia will not condone any activity done by its own mikes or speakers.”

Azmee, who was attending a Genital dysfunction in Kangaroo, Perlis, said the Noize caused by unlicensed broadcasting was also very bad there contributing to erectile-dysfunction of attendees!

When asked if Malaysia would submit a formal podcast protest to Indonesia regarding the Noize, Azmee said the Government could send any kind of air-waves it wanted which would contribute to even more Noize.

“But I don’t think it would be of any use. The Indonesian Government is well aware of the problem and the only request Malaysia has is for the problem to be solved,” he said while caressing NoMale’s lingerie.

Azmee said it was imperative that Indonesia ratified the Asean transboundary Noize agreement and urged Jakartatata again to do so, adding that no one knows why it was dragging its feet and tails over the agreement.

“Only when Indonesia ratifies the agreement can member countries set up a Noize centre so that prevention and extinguishing of illegal soundwaves can be done easily.”

When asked if Asean members would convene any sort of emergency meeting to discuss action against the Noize, Azmeei said there was no point talking any more while hugging a 1/10 scale doll of his wife.

“What we need is action and enforcement,” he blurted with dripping his eyeballs with EyeMo.

In PeKanNeeNia, Deputy Primo Minstrel Datuk Seri Najeeb Tun Lazat said the Noize problem would plague the region for years to come unless Asean countries were willing to pool their sound resources to combat the menace. “We have been discussing among the members but we have yet to reach a consensus on the setting up of a Noize fund,” said while putting on his favourite Maybabeline Toast-Almond Extreme Moisture lipstick.

“Right now, one of the most needed equipment would be Gigantic Audio-Vacuums made with Dinosaur Egg shells. They are expensive witchcraft but would help alleviate or at least reduce the soundhaze problem,” he said. Najeeb, who is also the Home Vacuum Minstrel, said the Noize was a mute issue.

Asked if Asean members had volunteered their services to help the Indonesian Government to put out the Noize, he said there were offers but there had not been any positive response to accept the assistance.

After the press conference: Datuk Seri Azmee Khaled has to TFK/Choke his chicken/masturbate/manually relieve himself provided he could find his tiny and limp penis.

Mob reporting for Intergalactic Crap News Express of Planet Bongabonga -49th.
We BONG first so you can SNORT!

Friday, October 06, 2006

MySeefart, KukuJiaoSaya and MyBahasa

When I read about this article on our national languague I could barely grasp the significance, til I came across the same news but sourced from Yahoo! Compare these two articles:

1. BN Propaganda Paper (often used as firestarter for BBQ – mob)
2. Yahoo!

Spot the difference?

BProPap(pronounced as Bee-Prop-Pap) downplay the proposal of this Ministry of Culture, Arts and Heritage together with their evil-brethen, yes, the Education Ministry and Information Ministry ‘To Strengthen The National Language’.

<—— gasp

‘To Strengthen the national language’ = To fine-kau you for …jeng, jeng, jeng, *gasp again like Dr. Evil

RM Wan thoussaaaand ringgit!

Yahoo! just go straight to the point, that is if you f*ck around with BM (btw, is it Bahasa Malaysia or Bahasa Melayu? My time it was B. Malaysia, in the late 90’s it was Bahasa Melayu, so which is it? – mob) then you will be shoved with a quick-cari-makan-1k-fine. There, so simple.
No bullshit about:
– ‘concerns about the proliferation of terms’,
– ‘to correct misuse of the national language’
– ‘compel those responsible to rectify the errors’
– ‘helping safeguard our national language’

wah, damn bunga-bunga(flowery) like pantun as reported by BProPap(kenot say paper name mar– mob). These flers think by Samaning people who probably thought they were using correct national language, they could selamat-jaga our national language.

What is there to safeguard if people will think twice before using our national language for fear of making errors and kena saman 9–9(kau-kau)? Then it will ceased to be a ‘national language’ since everyone avoid using it.

Betul Tak? Betuuuuulll… otak simple gua oso can figure it out, baik gua jadik minister, ok? ahakhakhak…

Amaciam my Bahasa Rojak?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Haze You, Haze Me!

Time to bring out the banner again.

Click for the Banner

Once again, all the countless ‘joint-taskforce’ to clear this mess amounts to nothing. Funds raised, firemen and national servicemen sent, environmental experts, forestry departments wankers, assholes and buffoons from my ministry and your ministry come together and have a big makan inreturn for a brief 2 sec thoughts over this issue of this hazardous land-clearing with a match.

Yes, the caucasians are right all along, life is indeed cheap here.

*Meanwhile Bodowi is still jerkin’ off to Harry’s letter of apology.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Stupid Questions for our Space-tourists

Brokeback Space Station, 'ere we cum!

Stupid Questions for our 70 million Space-tourists:

1. Does dental hygiene contributes into making one of you fucktards a national-sponsored space-tourist?
(Defence budget IS taxpayer's money, stupid - Mob)

2. How could you share a culture when you don't have any to exchange with?

3. Can you just see 'space' in movies just like the rest of us instead of costing us 70 million?
(Again, Defence budget IS taxpayer's money, stupid - Mob)

4. Do you think you will be Mawi-convert if you come across Mawi posters drifting in space?

5. You told your parents this was a 'Lawatan Sambil Belajar' trip instead of secret experimental condom-testing in zero-G, didn't you?

6. What if the Russians don’t like you? Do you stay outsite, at the balcony on Mir Space Station or do you sulk alone?

7. What do these numbskull politikus means, ‘To do the Best for your country’? Snap better pictures?

8. Wouldn’t you knock other astronauts with our big-big Jalur Gemilang?

9. Will you shoulder the blame of improper wastage of 70 million when there are hardcore poor at home?

10. Was this under any National Plan?

11. If you knocked your tooth out while in space, will they discount 1 million off?

12. Are you covered by insurance? If you are, please do specify the payouts and to whom?

13. Do you learn emergency sign-languages? Like “Mana itu tandas, brader?”

14. Where does your feaces goes during your 8 days vacation up there?

15. If they carry it back with the shuttle you’re on, does that means you came back ‘Full of Shit’?

16. Could you ‘pull the plug’ on other ppl’s suits?

17. If you fart while in the space-suit, does it mean you smell your own fart?

18. Do you learn to eat your food from tubes? Just incase you swallow your tooth-paste.

19. If we’re not satisfied with your ‘Performance’, are they willing to send you again with no additional cost?

20. If one of you happens to ‘break a leg’, can we send Kerismuddin or the S-I-L instead? on a no-return ticket, of course!

21. Are the fuel from these rockets EPA-approved?

22. Can the two of you stick your heads out while blasting off? It has never been proven so there’s a record to be made.

23. Will you wear our sarongs during nap time?

24. Do your suits have sponsors like F1 drivers?

25. Are your helmets made to look like those used by our ‘Mat Cemerlangs’?

26. If you sneeze inside your helmet, won’t you embarrased your country?

27. If you barfed inside your helmet, we will have your heads?

28. If you do return, could we auction your stained underwear to our politicians to raise 70 million for real charity?

29. Do you jerk-off with space-porn downloads or you ask your other partner to do you?

30. Do you get a Certificate for being at Mir?

31. Do you get a ‘Datukship’ when… sheesh, we don’t even need to ask

32. What can you shared with us after your return? Space debris as souvenirs and some half-ass taken pics?

33. Would you two become uglier and grosteque after being expose to sun radiation and melt onto your chairs?

34. If the Russians staged a mutiny on Mir, will you be made to ‘walk the plank’?

35. If they don’t like you, can they throw you ‘overboard’?

36. Do the PDRM give you a Saman since you’re waaaay over the speed limit blasting-off?

37. If they do, when are you going to pay?

38. Why don’t they send our Public Works Dept Head (Semi-value) to inspect if the cost fitting the steps rail to the rocket are properly justified?

39. If the Russian picket for a pay-raise on Mir, would you join in?

40. If you wave a ‘Keris’ while everyone’s conducting a space transmission to Earth, will you be stripped-jacketed?

41. What if you encounter extra-terrestials and they look like as ugly as Nazree?

42. What if you can’t see our country from space?

43. Would your mission be counted as a Failure?

44. Could we mummified you in concrete as soon as you return to Earth? As to preserve our first space-tourist.

45. If you didn’t get consent from every single 26 million rakyat Malaysia, would you be considered a ‘Rogue space-tourist’ and be shot on sight?

46. If you didn’t get consent from your parents, would be a ‘Space-Minor’ under supervision from Mir Station’s in-station Nanny?

Feel free to contribute question or any other enquiries since this is a National event!

Friday, September 29, 2006

LKY's Justification? The List of Discrimination posted by Human Book

I have chance upon this ‘List of Discrimination’ practised by the fine government and agencies. This ‘List’ is said to contained open secrets of statistics best verified by the government itself although AAB is said to ‘having originally wished to pursue a degree in Economics but failing to meet the required standard after failing his statistics paper’(according to Wikipedia), so for prominent leader, it’s anyone’s guess if he comprehends what this simple compendium of systematical mistreatment of minorities are intended.

List of racial discriminations (Malaysia):

(1) Out of all the 5 major banks, only one bank is multi-racial, the rest are controlled by malays

(2) 99% of Petronas directors are malays

(3) 3% of Petronas employees are Chinese

(4) 99% of 2000 Petronas gasoline stations are owned by malays

(5) 100% all contractors working under Petronas projects must be bumis status

(6) 0% of non-malay staffs is legally required in malay companies. But there must be 30% malay staffs in Chinese companies

(7) 5% of all new intake for government army, nurses, polices, is non-malays

(8) 2% is the present Chinese staff in Royal Malaysian Air Force (RMAF), drop from 40% in 1960

(9) 2% is the percentage of non-malay government servants in Putrajaya. But malays make up 98%

(10) 7% is the percentage of Chinese government servants in the whole government (in 2004), drop from 30% in 1960

(11) 95% of government contracts are given to malays

(12) 100% all business licensees are controlled by malay government e.g. Approved permits, Taxi permits, etc

(13) 80% of the Chinese rice millers in Kedah had to be sold to malay controlled Bernas in 1980s. Otherwise, life is make difficult for Chinese rice millers

(14) 100 big companies set up, owned and managed by Chinese Malaysians were taken over by government, and later managed by malays since 1970s e.g. MISC, UMBC, UTC, etc

(15) At least 10 Chinese owned bus companies (throughout Malaysia, throughout 40 years) had to be sold to MARA or other malay transport companies due to rejection by malay authority to Chinese application for bus routes and rejection for their application for new buses

(16) 2 Chinese taxi drivers were barred from driving in Johor Larkin bus station. There are about 30 taxi drivers and 3 are Chinese in October 2004. Spoiling taxi club properties was the reason given

(17) 0 non-malays are allowed to get shop lots in the new Muar bus station (November 2004)

(18) 8000 billion ringgit is the total amount the government channeled to malay pockets through ASB, ASN, MARA, privatisation of government agencies, Tabung Haji etc, through NEP over 34 years period

(19) 48 Chinese primary schools closed down since 1968 - 2000

(20) 144 Indian primary schools closed down since 1968 - 2000

(21) 2637 malay primary schools built since 1968 - 2000

(22) 2.5% is government budget for Chinese primary schools. Indian schools got only 1%, malay schools got 96.5%

(23) While a Chinese parent with RM1000 salary (monthly) cannot get school-text-book-loan, a malay parent with RM2000 salary is eligible

(24) 10 all public universities vice chancellors are malays

(25) 5% - the government universities lecturers of non-malay origins had been reduced from about 70% in 1965 to only 5% in 2004

(26) Only 5% is given to non-malays for government scholarships over 40 years

(27) 0 Chinese or Indians were sent to Japan and Korea under "Look East Policy"

(28) 128 STPM Chinese top students could not get into the course that they aspired e.g. Medicine (in 2004)

(29) 10% place for non-bumi students for MARA science schools beginning from year 2003, but only 7% are filled. Before that it was 100% malays

(30) 50 cases whereby Chinese and Indian Malaysians, are beaten up in the National Service program in 2003

(31) 25% is Malaysian Chinese population in 2004, drop from 45% in 1957

(32) 7% is the present Malaysian Indians population (2004), a drop from 12% in 1957

(33) 2 million Chinese Malaysians had emigrated to overseas since 40 years ago

(34) 0.5 million Indian Malaysians had emigrated to overseas

(35) 3 million Indonesians had migrated into Malaysia and became Malaysian citizens with bumis status

(36) 600000 are the Chinese and Indian Malaysians with red IC and were rejected repeatedly when applying for citizenship for 40 years. Perhaps 60% of them had already passed away due to old age. This shows racism of how easily Indonesians got their citizenships compare with the Chinese and Indians

(37) 5% - 15% discount for a malay to buy a house, regardless whether the malay is rich or poor

(38) 2% is what Chinese new villages get compare with 98% of what malay villages got for rural development budget

(39) 50 road names (at least) had been changed from Chinese names to other names

(40) 1 Dewan Gan Boon Leong (in Malacca) was altered to other name (e.g. Dewan Serbaguna or sort) when it was being officially used for a few days. Government try to shun Chinese names. This racism happened in around year 2000 or sort

(41) 0 churches/temples were built for each housing estate. But every housing estate got at least one mosque/surau built

(42) 3000 mosques/surau were built in all housing estates throughout Malaysia since 1970. No temples, no churches are required to be built in housing estates

(43) 1 Catholic church in Shah Alam took 20 years to apply to be constructed. But told by malay authority that it must look like a factory and not look like a church. Still not yet approved in 2004

(44) 1 publishing of Bible in Iban language banned (in 2002)

(45) 0 of the government TV stations (RTM1, RTM2, TV3) are directors of non-malay origins

(46) 30 government produced TV dramas and films always showed that the bad guys had Chinese face, and the good guys had malay face. You can check it out since 1970s. Recent years, this tendency becomes less

(47) 10 times, at least, malays (especially Umno) had threatened to massacre the Chinese Malaysians using May 13 since 1969

(48) 20 constituencies won by DAP would not get funds from the government to develop. Or these Chinese majority constituencies would be the last to be developed

(49) 100 constituencies (parliaments and states) had been racistly re-delineated so Chinese voters were diluted that Chinese candidates, particularly DAP candidates lost in election since 1970s

(50) Only 3 out of 12 human rights items are ratified by Malaysia government since 1960

(51) 0 - elimination of all forms of racial discrimination (UN Human Rights) is not ratified by Malaysia government since 1960s

(52) 20 reported cases whereby malay ambulance attendances treated Chinese patients inhumanely, and malay government hospital staffs purposely delay attending to Chinese patients in 2003. Unreported cases may be 200

(53) 50 cases each year whereby Chinese, especially Chinese youths being beaten up by malay youths in public places. We may check at police reports provided the police took the report, otherwise there will be no record

(54) 20 cases every year whereby Chinese drivers who accidentally knocked down malays were seriously assaulted or killed by malays

(55) 12% is what ASB/ASN got per annum while banks fixed deposit is only about 3.5% per annum

You can see this ‘list’ posted by Human Book before at:
Sachatamia Group’s Blog
WorldPress.Org’s Letter to the Editor

So was LKY saying the Truth?
If it’s not, why did our gov even bother to do this?

Monday, September 25, 2006

Intergalactic Crappy News Express - Planet Bongabonga -49th

Meanwhile on Earth, 25th, September 2006
Orang utans face extinction
Cardiff University conservation geneticist Dr Benoit Goossens said the primates were found in 11 genetically isolated sub-populations in the Lower Kinabatangan region.

On Planet Bongabonga -49th
Orang Wutans Jerkin’ to Ecstasy

I swing on trees, Motherfucker!

Car-Drift University conservation genitalist(Ballz & Cunt Specialist?? lolx! – Mob) Dr (Chris)Benoit Goose said the primates were found in 111 genitalia isolated sub-populations in the Lower Kinda-of-a-Battered-Hand region. When you have so many fine-lookin’ female primates lazying on trees exposing their barangs here and there, the males must’ve had ‘their hands full’ – Mob.

“If nothing is done, most of these sub-populations will be extinct in the short and medium terms of less than 50 jerkin’ years,” Dr Goose said after a seminar on the future of the orang wutans in the Lower Kinda-of-a-Battered-Hand region on Fry’s day(Hey, I’m a Futurama-fan – Mob).   

Another orang wutan researcher Dr Iceball Lack-a-man-Pancreaz, co-director of the NGO HUTAN(‘I Owe Money’ in Canto – Mob), based in Syokaukau, Kinda-of-a-Battered-Hand said there was an urgent need to separate close contact between the orang wutan’s hands from his/her genitals by forcing them to wear cooking gloves to prevent primates choking their chicken to death.

“But establishing these rules is a slow process and illegal genitalia-stimulation may still occur in the meantime. Only a combination of Self-Abstinence and Lust Renunciation will succeed in eliminating all premature ejaculation risks and controlling inbreeding(omg i didnt change this – Mob) in the Kinda-of-a-Battered-Hand orang-wutan population,” Dr Lack-a-man-Pancreaz said. 

She said there was also a need for the orang wutan libido to be increased to enable the overall population to grow its organs to a viable size.  Zabah Wildlife Department director Dildo Andyou said that while it was looking at ways to connect the Lower Kinda-of-a-Battered-Hand orang wutan population to the populations of Segaliquid Lookan/Dryamakot (North) and Ulu SegaPs2/MaluAr (South), it would simultaneously conduct managed ‘no-hands-grabbing-crotch’ amongst the primates. 

The semen-nar funded by the ButtFisting-based Darkwin Initiative for the Survival of Species saw researchers conducting monitored handjobs on the short, medium and long term future of the primates. It was organised by the Zabah Wildlife Department, Universiti Malaysial Zabah, NGO HUTAN and Car-Drift University (UKiok). 

The models were based on information gathered about the primates, including their demographics, genetics and density of their privates

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Intergalactic Crappy News Express - Planet Bongabonga -49th

On our Azure Planet
Nazri: Lack of freedom in previous government
THERE was lack of freedom and some dictatorial tendencies during the previous administration, said Datuk Seri Nazri Aziz, Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department.

On Planet Bongabonga -49th

Neo-Nazree is a Dandy Luddite, Heil!

THERE was lack of freeDOM and some DICKtatorial tendencies during the previous administration, hints Kapitan Neo- Nazree Azeez been Jantan, Offizier in the Pri-Mate’s SM Department.

"Durinz the pasz dominationz..err.. I mean administrationz, it wuz a bit of a peniz-constrictionz, people weir not freez to keep their *wurstchen out (wurstchen is err… hotdog ~ mob)

"Now, when people are freez to spankz each other and wear rubber outfitz on da streetz, they talk about the bozz (Pri-Mate Babawi), and when people talk, this iz construed by some people as lozing control which in Sado Masochisme is a no-no, unlezz of coz you ar in Submission role-play.

"But, if you wanz to go back to da old ways, you can suggesz it in diz Torture Chamber; we can go along with it," Nazree said in reply to Opposition Leatherhead , who had reiterated that Babawi was losing control of his latex indulgence.

The original question came from Tengkoo RaiseALeg HamHam (BN-Gua BakChang) who wanted to know whether the Official Secretion Act was hindering efforts to combat irresponsible disposal of SM toys and turn SM practitioners underground.

Nazree said that there was nothing to conceal as the Addictive-Cruelty Agency(ACA) had been given full powers to inflict pain and sought gratification from suffferings of others.

"Furthermore, thoz who know about actz of seduction, but believe that they are tied(tightly)to da OSA, can lodge a reportz without signing the report(with his penis).

"Under da Addictive-Cruelty Act 1997, da ACA can proceedz witz a full-flogging even though it iz based on a pvc-made whip, unlike a natural flail made of ox-tails!," he said.

Nazree added that the ACA Act also provided lubricants, leather suits, metal chains, cuffs for witnesses in possible bondage cases.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Today on Intergalactic Crappy News Express: Planet Bongabonga -49th

Meanwhile on Earth, 19th, September 2006

KUALA LUMPUR: The only plaster cast of a "Bigfoot" footprint in the world is up for sale to the highest bidder.

On Planet Bongabonga – 49th,


KOLAM LUMPUR, Planet Bongabonga – 49th: BIGFART is about to attempt a intergalactic record for igniting a small island in the Spasific sea!

In demostration of its enormous flatulence, the once elusive BIGFART now appears on Sat broadcast to ‘blow’ away his competition but staging the biggest Gastrointestinal Event of the century by wipping a out a small island with a population of 2 bats and a coconut(I swear there’s inhabitants in there! ~ mob)

Paranormal-albeit-hysterical researcher Sniky Abdullaho Syedo Husseino Al-Attaso(damn typing his name is a pain! ~mob) said that as they had failed to raise the bar for a FART test to determine the sulfur and nitrogen content of the creature ‘s FART a few years ago although a remote village of indigenous snails were wiped out during BIGFART’s rampage. They planned to use the findings from the case to study the possibilityof harnessing BIGFART’s methane output for powering household aplliances like blenders and iPods.

Somewhere in a Parallel Universe ~ Today

Our Universe
HAVANA: “I am in control.” Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi asserted his authority when he told his critics that he has not lost control of his administration. 

Parallel Universe ~ Today

Pic courtesy of Intergalactic Crap News Express of Planet Bongabonga -49th

HAVULVA: “Ayam in control”. In startling news, Babawi asserted his famous rooster as the De-factor of influence on his barn administration on Planet Bongabonga -49th where he sought to self-delusionised his environment with Hareem of white hens(500 cramped in a small pen in dismay conditions on last count ~ mob) and sacks of chicken-feed.

The TOP COCKEREL(his real name is ‘Bob’ btw ~ mob) said he was committed to making reforms in the chicken farm but would pluck things “my way.” 

However, ‘Bob’ added that he would not resort to making arbitrary changes or without consulting his barn mates which includes Khai(seefart) the duck, Nazee the neo-nazi ox, KaliGuloo the cute-goat-cum-propaganda-chief and Naheeb the cross-dressing goose.

Babawi added it was wrong of fellow barn animals to assume that he had lost control just because ‘Bob’ the rooster gives a hearty croak every morning and peck his way to his lap!

“This does not happen every day,” he added, saying that in such cases he would refer to all farm animals to put more enthusiasm into getting his loving.

Citing examples of a new hen house already in place, Babawi said he had allowed the setting up of select committees farm dogs to give the opportunity to all farm animals to give their views on important matters such as who gets to wallow in the mud besides the porkers(snog-snog!).

“We even include cows from the neighbouring farm in the committees. This is how a Barn should operate and this is one example of the reforms we initiated,” he said.  

Mob reporting for Intergalactic Crap News Express of Planet Bongabonga -49th.
We BONG first so you can SNORT!

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Somewhere in a Parallel Universe ~ Today

Our Universe
During the TV3 interview last month, Abdullah denied that his son had received preferential treatment in his business dealings with the Government. Abdullah said he received the Scomi report two days ago and checked it against the comments he had made on the special TV interview and found that he was right. ~ Official Media Propaganda.

Parallel Universe ~ Today

Hmmm... this iz good shilznit!
Babawi demonstrating the proper way to score.

Somewhere in a Parallel Universe… our alternate PM is riding ‘HIGH’ on the confidence of the people since Dope has been legalised for personal and official usage which snorting sm*ck on a luxurious glass table is the officiating process instead of boring ol’ ribbon-cutting, aight!

“I’ve always believe in using Biotechnology in Marijua… errr I mean plant cultivation… Hence the millions we pour into an industry which we have never excel in.” ~ Babawi *looking all beady and sleepy.

On the facts dished out by international media linking his son’s engineering firm, SCOreMI being linked with nuclear devices for the black market,

“Yo, you people are high on caffeine!! This iz biznezzz, ‘know wat I’m saying, how else ya’ll think I buy good sh*t? with lunch money? ya’ll gottha be kiddin’ me, dawg!” ~ Babawi after 2 hits of tar on the glass table above.

Asked to deliberate more on the interview he gave on TV Tree regarding his son’s alleged privileges of hoarding government deals,

“I did not misled the junkies, err… I meant people! My son won all those gravy trains through open tenders, *winks. We OPEN up our list of Columbian contacts and they go all TENDER on our proposals, what can we say? I mean, besides them producing the best sm*ck in town, they’ve access to the Puerto Ricans with really BIG guns! And so far, they’ve never fail in ‘silencing’ the critics…tsk, tsk, huaaargh…” *yawning

“Now if you excuse mua, I gottha go finish what I’ve snorted…err.. started…” *fumbling his way back to his citadel bedroom with Jaheim’s Fiend song on a DTS-THX-Surround Ghetto Blaster…

I gotta quit
I gotta get this chick up out my system
She's no good for me
All of my dogs wanna hit her
Right after I'm with her
I eat then I fall asleep
And it's gettin costly
Lately all I've been banging is them chicks that come with seeds
But shorty she's a dime
In fact that girl's a dove
And I think I'm falling in love
She gets me all choked up
I can barely catch my breath
Don't want to pass her around
I keep her to myself
You see she gives me stimulation
Ain't nobody messing up our rotation
Although I think it's big
And you better believe
Nobody blazing it up but me

Misleading? NO! of course not, after all this is just another Universe!

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Mat Rempit: A Simple Solution, Beb!


The Problem
This Mat Rempit 'Movement' is suppose to be anti-authority in nature. There's no longer 'fun' or 'glory' in it if it gets regulated and by the way how you regulate these stunts? Even getting a bike to rempit is through illegal means(i.e. by stealing/robbing/company’s despatch property/falsifying plates) so they could abandon these bikes whenever they're caught in desperate situations.

The Solution
I have came across a simple solution from a friend.
Isn't it about time all motorcyclist starts paying TOLL?
Thanks to the Tun who abolished them a couple of years back as a ‘Farewell’ gift to the nation, he would be horrified if he were to drive down LDP on a typical friday night these days.

There're TOLLs everywhere, every major highways has these 'ready-made' solutions. Imagine having to pay $$$ for every 'thrill' rides, these rempits will confine themselves to trunk roads to avoid paying TOLLs.

Beb, satu round lagi kite rempit, amacam?
Not when it’s RM1 each time you pass a TOLL!

Decent Motorcyclists Being Penalised?
Please spare us the details about not having money to pay TOLLs when the rest of us road-users are paying for lanes you used daily. By riding a bike, you’re saving a bundle. No road tax for below 150cc, RM10 petrol for the at least 4 days usage when the rest of us are paying 6x-10x, cheap maintenance and free parking. One of the main reason the road tax exemption and free TOLL was suppose to lift the burden off students and lower-income workers.

Most students lives within earshot or in campuses, hence the road tax exemption works well but there’s no excuse of not paying TOLL whenever you feel like going to KL/major town centres to ‘Partay’ or drink with friends. As for the lower-income workers who uses bikes to work, please realised the costs of earning a living is now higher.

Why should YOU be exempted? If you’re working for the Gov, lagi bagus, semuanya ada, allowance naik, claim naik, wah! bagus sungguh your Kepala thinks of you!
The rest of us who doesn’t depend on the Gov kena pulak! Kenotler liddat! Hahaha

For some, that is…
I’ve come across other worthy solutions such as:

1. Heavy penalties/fine. You think they’ll pay? lolx
2. Merit/Point Systems. You think the bikes/number plates are not Falsified for racing/rempiting? lolx
3. Higher Insurance. Auw… refer to point no. 2. lox

All these solutions are laughable as you can see, our country is unique. We need Special Measures like our Currency Monetary solution like the Tun(aha, there’s still good in him ~ Obi Wan Kenobi) put in place during the Crisis days.

Like I put forward above, this solution is owed to a friend of mine who has seen the worst in this little Rempit Movement that’s sweeping the nation and kampungs. It’s worth a mention since it’s coming from a humble average Malaysian who wants to see this lethal trend dies a peaceful death.

Preng-preng-deng-deng-deng-deng-deng-deng-deng-deng-deng… deng–thud.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Somewhere in a Parallel Universe ~ Today

Somewhere in a Parallel Universe… our alternate PM makes a great claim!
Steve would’ve been proud.

"(It's) not nice!" ~ Mob Boss

"(It's) not nice!" said Abdullah after a closed-door meeting with division head Datuk Ahmad ibni Hajar and other state party leaders.

PENANG: Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi today (Sept 5, 2006) ticked off some state Umno members for displaying banners criticising Chief Minister Tan Sri Dr Koh Tsu Koon at the official opening of the Tanjung Umno Tanjung building on Bishop Street.

Like a delusional man who’ve never known he’s the leader of the most racist party in Malaysia. Like we care what happens to Dr. Koh-koh Jiao, the main reason for Babawi’s outrage I suspect is because the Penang CM is HIS ‘Capo* up north and the RM2billion Penang Outer Ring Road PORR Project is held under this Capo of his. You’re talking about his turf here, and with these ‘self-proclaimed marginalised’ AMNO Youth Penang making ruckus and putting themselve on the frontpage news, it’s not good for Business, if you know what I mean…

And AMNO Youth should be the LAST humpdinks shouting about being marginalised. Try the whole country being marginalsed for the last 40 years just so YOU(AMNO Youth) could voice out your politicized ‘Marginalised!’ today. For crying out loud, get a job!

*Italian term for Captain, Mob Captain that is…

Monday, September 04, 2006

Budget 2007: Screwed Againlar.

As usual, the Budget 2007 announced last Friday has nothing to do with the majority of us in the private sector, though we are the strongest contributor on economic scale. Majority of our taxes actually goes into funding our most expensive Government in Malaysian history(RM112.9b) and the rest goes into ‘development’(read: into their hands again). A measly 1% in corporate taxation for 07–08 is a fuckin’ Yawn when most of our blue chips companies are crapping shiltniz for the last couple of years, all except THEOILCOMPANY and of course SCOreMI who’re busy building nuclear devices for the highest bidder.

Agriculture and Biotechnology
Agriculture and Biotech are industries which yields the least, not unlike sepak-takraw, we can no longer compete with the Thais. Out-played and Out-classsed although we have so many freakin’ Gov agencies which are supposed to help the agriculture industry. 

Biotechnology are expensive IMPORTS, we have never excel in Research and Development in anything. We have ‘adapted’ technologies but no, we are not known for innovating anything except for local artiste gossips. Stop ‘bio’shitting everything. We are known as ‘natural resource producer’ and our attempts at create something useful out of our resources are pathetic. The only ‘natural resources’ we have left are limited oil, palm oil(planted by Indonesians,and most are located at Indonesia and dodgy land-clearing has filled our lungs with choking haze annually) and some bananas. Biotechnology is also misleading because it’s too wide, what are we focusing on? Agriculture? Food? Medicine? or cloning more Son-In-Laws?(Genetic Manipulation lar!)

Tax Exemptions
Tax exemption for the purchase of computers from RM500 to RM3,000 which was claimable every three years instead of the earlier five years. Seems like a continuation from the Tun’s policy, so no cookies for Pak Lah on this one.

Tax exemption for the purchase of books had been increased from RM700 to RM1,000 a year. Great, except prices of books are raised too.

Human Capital Development
Huge sums were allocated for schools, universities, scholarships, skills training and youth and sports development. Spending our tax money on education is the bread and butter for any mediocre leaders, but over the years we have witness the deterioting skills of teachers and poor planning in building a decent education system. Blame the head, our education systems changed according to the Education Ministers’ wimps, not because of keeping up with times or to forge a Nation. Our history books has been molded by zealous ‘proffesors’ and ‘educators to suit politician’s agenda. How could an imbecile keris-wielding Leroy becomes a Education minister is anyone’s guess.

Sports Development. Ask the MyTeam ‘Twas the Dweam, My Team’ duos if they’re providing these waterboys a future with proper education AFTER the 90min. Would you hire someone who probably can’t spell ‘M-y-T-e-a-m’? This goes against everything Sports ever stands for, that you have to take a proper route of balancing your education with training so you could still ‘kick’ up dough long after you stop kicking the ball.

As for the Sports Minister, besides being a co-host to the SIL, once-upon-a-time in a boring TV show, she has yet to display any knowledge of administering our sports ministry. Having a RM490 Million Sports RnD(refer to our excellent RnD comment above) in middle of London does not gives our athletes the extra edges(height, strength, skill, etc). Why not save RM490 Million and use our other HUGE spending on Biotechnology to create Super Steriods which are are impossible to detect?
I’m sure once our athletes starts doping our local-made steroids, we could out-run/jump/kick any competition, plus the lucrative deals of supplying interested nations of our ‘innovations’. Dope dealers? NO!  We’re in Pharmaceuticals!

Women Empowerment
Wow, what a word… RM50 subsidy for a mammogram. Is that all women empowerment stands for? A subsidy to check breasts? Try these words, Misyar, Alimony, Divorce thru SMS, Poligamy, Gatal and that infamous long word ‘Marry-a-divorcee/widow/single-parent-and-get-half-of-HERS’. How do you empower women when you keep robbing and stripping them of rights? You can’t give what is not yours to begin with. And these policy makers have mothers?

Reducing Regional Disparities
Says here, ‘Development projects will be undertaken in Peninsular Malaysia, Sabah and Sarawak.’

HAHAHA. Read: Just Penang and Kulim(Johor doesn’t count ‘coz it’s Private Initiatives). Sabah and Sarawak, you can keep on dreaming. Thanks for voting BN again, now crank the backyard generator for electricity, dig wells for water and don’t sell your 4x4 truck just yet, the road ahead will still be as bumpy as it was 20 years ago! Worse, we will DIVIDE up your rebel-prone areas into smaller portions and flood it with immigrants with genuine MyKads under pretense of annexation laws which we make up ourselves. Heck, we can change the constituition while YOU are sleeping!

Eradication of Poverty
RM578 million is allocated to accelerate the eradication of poverty.
How do you ‘accelerate’ something INVISIBLE? Using Transperancy of course! In fact it’s being done while you’re not looking! Ask the convicted ex-minister of Rural & Poverty Development, I’m sure he’s a Master of Invisibility, provided you could find him.

Housing for the low income group
How many ‘housing for the low income group’ needs? Or does it read ‘Equally-low-cost-shoddy-workmanship-shack? These ‘low-cost’ houses are known to be cost-cutting ‘obligation’ commited by the Gov to all housing developers. Thus, most would probably sell or rent it to immigrants when it’s get too dangerous to live in with their family. The last I heard, there were too many of these vacant houses around with no takers.

Civil Servants Rewarded
This is a no brainer. He need to do this so he could keep the votes. Let the recent SMS-threat to Customs Officer issue remind the civil servants the raise comes with price. A gag. Basically it just meant they’re surrendering their rights to voice out to their ‘Masters’. Hence the ‘muka-masam’ you get everytime you sought any Gov depts out. Carrot on a stick, but in our case, we fed the donkey too much til they’re too lazy to do anything else.

RM4.9 Billion to Make Police More Efficient?
RM4.9 billion allocation to enhance the efficiency of the police force’s operation. What efficiency? When you can’t even admit your shortcomings, how could you say ‘enhance efficiency’? $$$ DOES NOT BUY EFFICIENCY. $$$ gets you ‘Good Merceneries’ in the short term! Having a proper order and procedures does keep your forces in line. Knowing there’s a higher food-chain above you keeps you on the edge and stops you from snacking on the herd you’re suppose to ‘Serve & Protect’. I’m all for raising the welfare of the forces but do you reward them first and expect results later? At least have the decency to implement the IPCMC before announcing the Carrot. The public have suffered whenever the force are ‘not efficient’.

Where’s our RM409 Billion to tolerate and endure these ‘inefficiencies’?
Like the famous copper question everytime they pull you over, “Maciam Mana?”

Recommended tagline:
Budget 2007: Self-delusion Spending Towards the Alluded State.

ps: The world says farewell to Steve Irwin aka ‘Crocodile hunter’, he gets to ‘go’ while on field missions like he intended. Nobody says ‘Amazin’…’ like he does.

Malaysian Buddhists bids ‘Good Karma’ to the late Rev. K. Sri. Dhammnanda of the Buddhist Vihara, may he have a great reincarnation and get closer to the Jackpot, i.e.: Nirvana. ~Mob(Dhamma Priya, class of 87–88.)