Wednesday, January 31, 2007

You Know This Movie.

Silence of The ...

To stay true to the original movie poster, look for the ‘Hidden Imagery ’.

Sorry ah, Rocky, Jodie ‘leng-lui’ Foster is on another shoot.

Inspired by KickdeFella.

DOLLAH Main Bola.

As the world turns to another glorious day…

Dollah Main Bola

Monday, January 29, 2007

BOLEHLAND : SOTD. First Non-living entity winner!

The most BODOH paper in Bolehland!

When two parties are suppose to adhere to a Subjudice law by refraining from publishing anything that risks prejudicing an on-going defamation suit, we can understand how it is done on the Blogger’s end. 

What about the plaintifs?
How the FUCK are they suppose retract published damaging articles which they knew in the first place would have prejudice against the defendants?

Post apologies and say sorry ah?
Refund and retract copies ah?

How do you subject street hawkers to corporate law? If your answer is: They all pay tax what…
Then how do you explain motorcyclists not paying toll? They both uses the road what, tiu…

So today’s Sor-Hai of the Day award goes to the most BODOH lagi DUNGU paper in Bolehland: aNgSTy.
For the record(maybe in MBoR) the BODOH paper is the first non-living entity to be bestow this crap.

Congratulations, Sor-Hai Paper.


Snizz..wat snizzla mah... wat..dizzla or something

Mike check 1–2, 1–2, fresh from Bolehland,
we have a 3 year P.I.M.P in da makin’,
i got mah Bling from swindling,
the haters and fools who kept votin’,
me and posse with a 92 ding-a-ling,

Without-chal, I’m such a loser, yall!
and I would bailing my call,
TKO on da floor with a 9–call!
Taken on a strecha’ with mah son-in-law!

Who sez I ain’t da real deal?
I get mah moneyz thru the seal,
peeps believe mah bullshitin’ with zeal,
and haters turn on to me, hatin’ me anew!

both land, sea and air I triumphed,
all you suckerz out there stay in a dump!
while I stroll-by with mah posse on a drive-by,
Uzi and Glocks all firin’ sayin’ good-bye!

I got my honeyz with my tricked-out ride,
with one hand on them lovelies and another on a 9milimeter!
If yall think you suckerz MCs gonne get me,
Think again ‘coz I’m the P.I.M.P.!


*strikes a mean pose.

Sunday, January 28, 2007


Sorhai Of The Day:

BEDOL has accused Bolehlanders of using the Internet to spread lies about him, according to a report Sunday.

We all made Bedol MERAJUK liao.
Won’t be long till he MENANGIS kebudak-budakan and insist on buying new TOYS like yachts, kapal terbangs, submarines and more ‘Cold War’ versions of mini-jet planes.

“Even bloggers or those who maintain websites use this opportunity to create stories. Lies after lies are being told. To them, everything is not right, everything is not good” – BEDOL.

Of course, how could you expect your propaganda paper, aNgSTy, to report on your wrong-doings like:
– opening nasi-kandar stores on your brother’s behalf in your capacity as the Top-Dog of Bolehland while southern Bolehland ditenggelami air.
– building some outer stupid roads up north with your company.
– letting your rambut-penuh-kerim SIL run Bolehland.
– ‘still warming-up’ after 3 years ruining Bolehland.
– fondles any damn vegetation(Kangkung) and farm animals(goats) in contact.
– sleeping most of the time.
– reward yourself with trips and positions which you’re not capable of holding.
– turning your back while your ass-wipes AMNO WARLORDS and Napoleons pillage and burn Bolehland to the ground.
– accused the bloggers who are same people which gives you 92% mandate to change Bolehland for the better.
– the list is end-fuckin’-less, all in the course of just fuckin’ 3 years.

BEDOL, take your medication-lah. You become worse when you’re woke-up on a day thinking it’s Monday.
It’s friggin’ Sunday, Sor-hai.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Bolehland: SOTW

Sorhai Of The Week

Latuk Nor NIAMAH!!! Congratulations!

Latest Act:
Imposing 5 local compulsory studies on International Schools

Track records:
Google his real name and you will be overwhelmed!
Google ‘SquatGate’
Google ‘Police Brutality’ and ‘Malaysia’
Google ‘Nor Niamah’

Tahniah! Nor Niamah!

The Cobra Sultan lost due to poor voter turnout. heheheh

Racial Integration: Them and Us

What Racial Integration when there's already Bau Perkauman?
I read through a ‘Feature’ yesterday on Racial Integration with interest.
Either there’s a ‘SPIN’(word twisting, cunning-lingual) in action or the ‘Undergrad’ interviewed was as stupid as her opinion. Read again.

Them and Us
Me wonders how a 10% or maybe less bunch of rag-tag minority gonne ‘mix’ with 80% of the main ‘majority’ if these opinions are common amongst the ‘majority’, let alone ‘asking for ‘help’?

Do you know how HARD it is to even just by getting a place in local Unis among these ‘Minorities’?
Do you know how HARD it is to even get a LOAN to pay for those goddamn books and tuition fees?
Do you know how HARD it is to even get a job paying back the LOAN for 3rd-rated studies?
Do you know how HARD it is to admit you’re poor and have to settle for local studies instead of getting a REAL education overseas unlike those sons and daughters of Ministers and Datuks?

These ‘Minorities’ might be look down upon by SOME ‘silver-spoon’ elites who thinks they’re selfish lot and only think for themselves.

Of course they do!

Don’t expect smart answers when you’re asking a dunce. We are bound by poverty and stupid policies made by politicians to enriched themselve. Stop thinking ‘Them’ and ‘Us’ and maybe, just maybe… you will find the answer.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Bedol: From Cobra Sultan to Cobra Terbang?

Bedol should change His Lifestyle!
According to ‘Sources’, Bedol insists on having this spanking new Cobra Terbang just because he doesn’t wanne use the existing plane which have been used by a ‘Former’. Bau Hapak kot?
How much this will ‘perabih duit rakyat’(waste taxpayers money)?
200 million.

You and GOM ‘rule’ the same country, you can’t just buy yourself a coun… oops, he did. omfg!

My previous post on Monsoon Cup’s new challenger

same ol same ol

US mag votes Bolehland as top destination

A prestigious US travel magazine has voted Bolehland as the world’s best tourism destination of 2006.
The award was a result of a poll undertaken by Glowball Trailer Magazine, a monthly published from Penisylvania.

This accolade comes just as the year-long Visit Bolehland Year 2007 gets underway and has put a big FAT CHECKS in the pockets of Tourism Bolehland officials.

Who ever heard of an obscure place as Penisylvania?
Penisylanians are just as excited as Bolehlanders getting the award! For the the ’Quackers’ assumed now they now have a new hunting ground WHOLE year round without waiting for Open Season.

“Local Bolehlanders are fair game because most asians are sized like our game turkeys and deers, Yeehaaa!”, says Beuwolf Speakecheese while cleaning his prized shooter.

Latest Trend Hitting Penisylaniana

Besides being just as Obscure as Bolehland, Penisylania is known as the Quacker State for reasons since it became, err.. you know(*Mob making gestures of circuling his finger around his head). It plants tobacco, weed and innovate various other ‘agricultural’ break-throughs of getting ‘baked’ and high.

Penisylania worships phallic symbols and would proudly expose their manhood to anyone. This is due to their failure in dealing with the reality of having small penis. Hence everything about ‘Penisylania’ is about their obsession with the ‘barang’, in efforts to boost the esteem of Penisylanians.

There are no ‘Runners Up’ to the great award, ‘Bes Tow-rist Pot’ for year 2006 because other countries shuned and downright ignored this lame award given by an even lamer state.


Farewell to the Korean Big-boob Singer mistaken for our Mongolian Murder victim Altantuya Shaaribuu bla bla bla...

The long title is as senseless as U-nee taking her own life.

definately not the way to go...

If you feel depressed,
– go visit Rojaks and let Wingz and co light up your day ‘coz ‘Everbody Lafu Rojaks’.
– go shopping, those bright and cheery displays should get any gurl up and .. shopping.
– go have massage and get nails done. (Mob provides hands and supply KY, errr… Massage oil).
– get perscription of Valium and loads of anti-depressants, too ‘happy’ to even make a Noose for neck
– set an ‘Emo’ or ‘Arty’ photo-shoot session with media, obliged hamsup photographers and potential ‘financial-backers’. At least benefit from these ‘fits’.
– let the Baka-one(Dabs) be your pal and makes you laugh at his idiosyncrasies.
– let Petite-Asian-Girl-Mad Swifty and co worship you and make a roadie movie along the way.
– get girly emo advices from Reta and be seen at really cool indie-band shows!
– go to Niamah!!! and let your frustration out, very therapeutic!
– let Davina welcomes you to her Retardationation, where you can be teriffic! with wits. lolx
– allow Howsy to show you how to make away-from -home Malaysian dishes while giving you pointers on the state of nation building!
– allow Mave to entertain your weekends with pics, poetry and misadventures of ‘Bayi’, til he reads the Monday paper and reprise his role as the bard singing misdeeds done by the ruling coalition perpetrators
– your boobs will shrink.(… last resort liao – Mob)

Mob no likey anyone who takes one’s own life, no matter how fine her knockers might be!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

BOLEHLAND Newspapers Must Be Responsible

LONDON: Bloggers must be responsible for what they write on the Internet as there are laws on defamation and sedition, ‘Bedol’ said.

Ello, Mister Sleepy-head, your Propaganda Machinery has been creating false news and lies for YEARS!
Ask the ‘Kari-who-currys-favour-with-God’ and Berendam Plagiarism.

Kempen Membangunkan BEDOL!

Guess we might need to stir him from his deep-deep slumber.

The case of shit preach to other poos not to smell.

Spining Gasing.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Bolehland THUG R' Us is Recruiting!


In the spirit of our Kaki-Pukul pioneer member as seen on this Video we have dedicated this dude in ‘blue’ shirt a heart-felt club on his behalf. Nobody knows if this ‘Thug’ is a copper, no identification, nothing, but he does all the bashing with uniformed personnel looking and abetting. We could only guess he must be a big fan of bashing and thuggery, so therefore we’re have established a club for this unnamed thug to indulge on his favourite past-time(hopefully far, far away from here – mob)

Let’s give it up for our mysterious ‘Thug-in-Blue’.

Sign-ups will be left in dumpsters since we can’t locate ‘His-Scuminess’ but you can bet this ‘hero’ will appear when there’s any rumours of ‘toll-hike’ gathering surface!

Monday, January 22, 2007

VMY 2007: Watch Our Cops Beat People!

At Bolehland we have dumb fucktards-in-blue who would gladly help any ‘Tourists’ in need of some..
good whipping and smacking! Directions? Our boyz will give you more than ‘Directions’, mate,
you could say, We have to ‘Beat off our competitions to deliver ‘Knock-out blows’ straight to your face!

One of our ‘satisfied’ customer.

This not an 'Alleged' brutality, it is confirmed.

Our ‘Employee-of-the-Month’.
He’s kinda ‘SHY’, so we take to modern digital enhancement to amplify his compassionated face right before your eyes!

Bolehland Gangsterz

Another PHOTOGENIC shot from this ‘Berkhidmat Untuk Negara’.

Don't even bother to cover this thug-face!

If you bump into him on the another street protest, say “Hi’ to him and pat him on the back for a job well-done! For truly with dedicated dudes like these, our Bolehland reputation as the most sought after L.A. for the top ‘Brutality’ spot on Earth!


Original Video from

Bolehland Law Enforcement

KUCHING: It must be a record of sorts for a florist. Her shop has been broken into more than 30 times since 2004. The latest was yesterday.

And although she has lodged over 30 reports, the police have come to her shop only three times.

"If these break-ins were the first, maybe it could be a small matter to the police, but my premises have been broken into over 30 times."
Victim showing her 'worthless' reports

In the meantime, this what our good ol Bolehland enforcers are doing:

Quote heard from this dude:
“Haaiya, I told you I’m NOT MAWI!!!”

Grumblings heard:
“Bila boleh makaaan?…”
“I miss my bantal…”
“Oui, badminton final-leh, I wanne see my sexy Mew Choo…”
“Who farted? bugggeerrr…”

Guess some ‘things’ will NEVER change no matter what you do.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Watch This! Apocalypto

At least my Keris has usage!
I’m not sure if it will be Ban by the nice folks of FeeNAS but there will be lotsa ‘controversies’ to us mild-mannered Malaysians, i.e.: pierchings, tattoos, breasts, butt-cheeks and the mere mention(actually translated -mob) of ‘Ball Breath’ in this wonderful movie.

Here are some things which you can expect from the Director, Mel Gibson, yes the Mad Max and kilt-wearing Mr. Braveheart himself:
– it contains lotsa of heart, yes I meant ‘passion’ (but it does contains hundreds if not thousands of human hearts-mob)
– shocking revelations about the great step-piramids of the Mayans/Aztecs(not the modem/pc company-mob)
– Gore! Glorious gore but only when it’s relevant and needed, unlike the sorely-missed bloody gore and flying body-parts in Braveheart. Auww.. Mel, what gives?
– Terrific camera work and photography that sets your adrenaline pumpin’ and blood rushin’.
– Grand production work with well-coordinated mass of believable extras.
– Emo moments which would tear your heart out. (oops, hearts again-mob)
– Stirring up controversies as usual. Well, it concerns more on historical accuracies but let it not ruin your watch, just don’t google ‘Mayans’ and WIKI together.
– It won’t be 90min.

I don’t wanne spoil your fun by revealing too much but if it doesn’t hit local cinemas, you’re better off looking for this title using ‘alternative’ route. ehem. The genuine ‘dub’ is out so make sure you have the ‘clear-stuff’. ehem again.

The 411:
Official Site

“My name is Cobra Sultan,
This is my forest,
My father hunt this forest during his time and,
I, his son hunt this forest.
So will my son-in-law, Chiken Backside(Khai-see-fart) too will hunt this forest!”.

Bedol: Garmen to monitor falling oil price. hahahahahaha

Bedol: Garmen to monitor falling oil price.
KUALA LUMPUR: The Garmen will keep an eye on the falling oil price in the global market before deciding whether to revise the price of fuel.

But the problem is…

Bedol Menguap Lagi! dan Lagi dan lagi dan lagi...

“We want the best for the people. We always have their interest at heart,”

Why don’t we believe in the ‘Cobra Sultan’?
Senang saje, when the crude oil prices goes up, our Cobra Sultan increase like his sarong is on fire. Your track records shows for itself. Itulah, suruh you belajar statistic, you gi tidur… (look under ‘failing his statistics paper’ – Mob)

Campaign for Bedol to STAY AWAKE this Year!

Thursday, January 18, 2007

6 Weird Thangs About Mob1900

Tagged by freelunch2020
6 Weird Things About Yours Truly:

1. My right toe can be ‘dislocate’ on purpose. Under permitted force, it could be wiggle out of its sockets, forced all the way to the left and snaps back.

2. I have no Tattoos. Nada, Zilch.

3. I like Mariah Carey, despite what yall’re saying.

4. My late grandfather once has a worker named “Tuk-Kukuu”(Cock-poker)

5. My left feet is called ‘Pak Lah’ …‘coz it goes to sleep every other minute.

6. The more ‘dysfunctional’ things I try to dig up about my self the more I find myself being ‘norm’ in contemporary standards. Tell me who hasn’t stalk a chick he fancies, leave breathing gasps in her mobille and torture her pet… No? oh…

Now time to off-load this assignment to:


Enjoy, nia-mah!… lolx

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Bolehland Parody - Batu Talam

Batu Talam Parody

In the spirit of ‘Sticking It Up to Da Man ’, VOTE ‘Urkel’.

We rather vote ‘an archetypal nerd, with large, thick eyeglasses, "high-water" pants held up by suspenders, and a high-pitched voice with a snorting laugh’…

than any Barisan Najis POOP.

Next state by-election, we’ll have ‘Happy Bob’(pic below) as an Indie-Candi(Independent Candidate).
Happy Bob

Catch phrase: “AMNO’s mah Biyatch! …biyatch”

Arm-Chair Contributors, Do Your Part!
The Malaysian Red Crescent Society (MRCS) is appealing to general public including private sectors, corporate, organisations for generous contributions towards the Malaysian Red Crescent Relief Fund set up to provide financial and relief assistance to people affected by the recent flood.

All cash contributions are tax-exempted and are to be made payable to:

"Malaysian Red Crescent Society" or
Maybank A/C No - 5144 2210 3788 or
call  Tel: +603 - 4257 8726,
Fax: +603 - 4257 3537
(Operations Room) for details.

Don’t feel helpless, give our fellow Malaysians hope!
You can do your part if you have an online bank account. Donate to the Pros to get real HELP to Johorians!

Plus, you get to make a BIG DENT on Bedol’s Tax Collection for 2007! Sweet!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

LOST's Hanso Foundation Missing Glyph No. 69

YES. I have found a missing Glyph #69 to help solve The Lost Experience’s Mysterious Glyphs.
Together we could uncover Hanso Foundation’s Eveeel Scheme!
Help me ‘decrpyt’ this GLYPH!

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Malaysia Border Blast - the Truth?

“Malaysia's military said Saturday that an explosion which injured four soldiers at a base near the Thai border was an accident, and not the work of intruders as was reported.”

Good God!

Case of four soldiers playing ‘Counter-Strike’ as realistic as possible?
Good news is, we didn’t send these guys to Lebanon, oh, we did. oops!

Why Bolehland Media is NEVER 'FREER'

For those of you who still thinks our Media and Press has been a lot more ‘Freer’, think again.
Of late, Femes bloggers like Jeff, RockyBru and KickDeFella has been on NST’s Hit List for defaming the ‘KariMullah’(The-Prophet-who-spoke-with-Curry or the-Curry-who-spoke-to-God?). This is not the first time Bloggers are ‘threaten’ and ‘harrassed’ by the ‘Powers that be’. They have been using proxies to do their dirty work which is the flavor of the the day eversince the Tun used the ‘Woman’ on DSAI’s downfall.

One thing though, at least the Grand Ol Man let the rest of us know when he’s pissed with us. Bedol puts up his Nasi-kandar face and let his hell-hounds loose.

Actually the technique of using proxies to ‘hit’ on enemies has always been the Singapore-way. Ask Mr. Lee and family, they’re infamous for using every dirty trick in the book to ‘bankrupt’ their opposition.

The ‘media’ has never been ‘freer’ as I’ve written last year, ppl. Just during the Tun’s time, internet was an infant waddling in a small pool. At least the Tun has the smarts to ‘smother’ the baby internet with MSC initiatives unlike the Buku-Nota Hitam cum Nasi-Kandar Outlet cum Cobra Sultan owner.

Stay vigilant, bloggers.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Watch This! - Heroes on 31st


ASTRO will start the pilot episode on 31st, January.
Hopefully ASTRO doesn’t edit too much, like the ‘dark’ twist on this new ‘super’ series.

Here’s the 401 on Heroes:

NBC Official Site
Heroes TV Fansite
9th Wonders

MaChAi Sponsors a Bodek-Fest for MPS

KUALA LUMPUR: After protests by about 50 disabled people at the Selayang Municipal Council (MPS) building in Bandar Baru Selayang two days ago, MPS is making an effort to be more sensitive to the needs of the disabled. 

According to MaChAi’s propaganda machinery.

“With the banners, protest and shouting, it was unlikely that Zainal would see them. But, if there is a discussion, we will be able to hear the problems of the disabled and find a solution,” said Tang, who met with ILTC president Francis Siva and secretary Gurdip Kaur at the MCA office in Rawang yesterday. 

Why do you think people have to carry banners, shout and protest in the first place? Sebab MPS council president BUTA serta PEKAK! Like the group told the Press(but was filtered off conveniently) MPS Council’s Laziest Bum refused to see them even when they’ve requested previously.

“My office is open and they should have approached me first. I also urge MPS officers to be more sensitive to the needs of the disabled.”  

Sorhai!(DumbFuck!), first, MPS is a fuckin’ local council, WTF does it gottha to do with your fuckin’ party? If you fuckin’ need to see your fuckin’ assemblyman everytime you need to see your local council then you (Rawang assemblyman Latuk Tang Seee Hang) must’ve been the busiest MORON! OMG, YOU’RE YOUR NAME (Latuk Tang Seee Hang*)! LOLROFLTM! Waiting for this assemblyman to take any action is akin to ‘Tang Seee Hang’, buahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah… hahahahahahahahahahahah

*Tang Seee Hang – Waiting for toilet/tandas/jamban/shithole/piss-pot/etc in Canto!

An Ode to Bodek-fest by MaChAi
MaChAi, please go crawl back under your paymaster, AMNO’s anus and suckle their faeces. Every Malaysian knows MaChAi’s the biggest turncoat party and its role as the lapdogs of AMNO.

This whole shit-fest started because of ‘alleged’ harsh treatment on disabled trader Murugan Rajoo who motorcycle was seized when he was nabbed for selling tidbits(kacang-putih) outside a school in Rawang without a licence. <—– Kinda similar to the rejected rulings of sealing off and charging property/shop owners whose premises were caught selling pirated DVDs. To all you low-life council pissers, You catch an offender, you fuckin’ saman lar, WTF you wanne seize ppl’s ride? You might wanne ‘seize’ Murugan’s poop too as evidence or his pet dog.

I propose we held a FYLC Day annually to reminds ourselves of the abuses and shit we take from these ‘civil servants’. And oh, FYLC acronym stands for Fuck Your Local Council.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Selayang Residents are F**ked for Having This dude as their Municipal Council President

About 30 disabled people, some wheelchair-bound, waited in vain for nearly an hour outside the Selayang Municipal Council (MPS) building to meet council president Zainal Abidin Azim today.

They wanted to submit a memorandum to Zainal in the lobby but he insisted that they come up to his office on the ninth floor.

And this guy has family? I pity them for having such an asshole Dad and Husband

Solution to Road Hijackings in Malaysia!

The Problem
KUALA LUMPUR – Malaysia is battling rising crime as it strives to find ways to attract investors and boost tourist arrivals.

Malaysia’s Transport Minister Chan ‘Chun Toi’ said that highway hijackings of trucks in Malaysia’s north have led to millions of dollars in losses, and are eroding investor confidence. There have been cases where lorries belonging to 1 transport company have been hijacked 10 times.

Buggy You, Buggy Me

The Solution
Then I’ll say Bring On The Real Deal to deal with it!

Mad Max!

Who says we can’t learn from cheesy b-grade VHS?
Hey, back then Mel was GOD!

Bedol Savours Nasi-Kandar whilst Johorians Eats Typhoon Vamei

Family comes first, the nation can suck an egg! - Bedol
Bedol was opening a nasi kandar restaurant in Australia last month, at a time when disastrous floods hit Malaysia’s southern region”.
“The restaurant is substantially owned by Bedol’s brother, Ibrah**, and a Malaysian corporate figure Lim Ewe J**, according to the report”.

Bedol opens the restaurant in his capacity as the PM(P*** M**) of Malaysia! Read the background signage. WTF?

Since when do we have a Nasi-Kandar Outlet Opener as the premier?
Don’t you think our Johor disaster is similar to Katarina disaster when  ‘Dubya’ was slow in sending relief and aid?

Bedol is our version of Dubya.
Please save us from both.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Read Between the Lines, Lies by the AMNO

As pointed by an Alert MalaysiaKini reader

1. “… 30% of Malays would participate in commerce and industry and that it should be implemented in the context of a growing economy.”
– Tun Dr Ismail (‘The Reluctant Politician:  Tun Dr Ismail and His Times’).

2. More than 30% of the national equity coming into the hands of bumiputeras.


‘In the hands of bumiputeras’ might be 0.1% especialy the AMNO Elites hoarding the nation’s wealth.

Now That’s a GREAT BULLSHIT by Barisan Najis, especialy AMNO! 

Do you feel STUPID now?

Kudos to Mendiang Tun Dr Ismail for setting the records straight.

Monday, January 08, 2007

VMY2007: Do You Know Malaysians Pay MORE for Petrol?


Read an outrage on our fine G.O.V. is pulling wools over our eyes, wrote by a reader. You can check the price of Crude Oil on any counters. Unlike most countries, our fine country NEVER REDUCE its petrol price according to real market conditions. Read the e-mail below and find out yourself, and we worry about Toll hikes, sheesh.

Has everyone forgotten these dates?

It seems that the governments ploy to divert attention away from last year's exorbitant fuel price hike has been extremely successful. Why? Because everyone today is more interested in the extra toll they are paying in the Klang Valley region rather than the extra that they are paying for fuel (which they first need to use any road).

Not that I'm not affected by the toll rate hikes but I think most of us have fallen for the government’s brilliant tactics in diverting attention away from key issues.
Let me just give your readers a quick look at our fuel pump prices compared to what's on Bloomberg’s energy prices. Let's take an exchange rate at a conservative US$1 = RM3.70 

Malaysian fuel pump price: RM 1.92/litre

Nymex Crude (Jan 3, 2007): US$58.32/barrel = RM1.357/litre

(1 barrel = 158.9873 litres)

Nymex RBOB Gasoline Future: US$1.5489/gallon = RM1.26/litre

(1 gallon = 4.5461 litres)

So how much more are we paying per litre than we should be? Probably around RM0.50 more per litre. Well, that means, someone is making money out of each and every Malaysian that has to go to the petrol pump. Hey, don't blame me. If we have anyone to blame, it's ourselves. We put this government in place, we let them get away with cheating the public, we let them steal right out of our pockets.

Too bad that we don't see any new anti-fuel-hike demonstrations anymore. Wish there were. Let's all ask the government to come clean and if they don't want to maybe the voters at Batu Talam can help send a strong message to BN during the coming by-election.

For all we know, the government could be trying to milk every last ringgit out of our pockets just until before the next general election, then reduce the fuel prices. Knowing full well Malaysians are the type that have short-term memories, the government smugly knows voters will happily go to the ballot boxes and cross our 'benevolent' BN back into power once more.

The BN government says remember May 13, 1969. Well, I say, remember March 1, 2006 for the fuel-hike, remember June 1, 2006 for the electricity tariff hike and remember Jan 1, 2007 for the toll rate hike.

Guess what? Anyone see a pattern? Something else may be going up come June 1, 2007. Brace yourselves Malaysians. Why don't we be the ones to tell BN in the next election to just 'take a hike'.

Oh well. Just my RM0.50 worth.

– Zaki

Sunday, January 07, 2007

VMY2007: How to Own Your Very Own Slaves

The real deal Master-Slava

About Malaysia. Truly Asia.
Uniquely MALAYSIA: How to Own Families and Have Them Work For You, for LIFE!

1. Contacts.
Hang out at Toddy Shops. Get to know your local shady palm plantation Toddy(cheap & lethal palm wine)-joint owner. Make a deal with owner to supply you information on poor sods who borrows heavily for Toddys.

2. The Deal.
Make a deal to ‘buy’ over debts accumulated by those poor drunkards and offer take them off the Toddy owner’s back. You could get ‘friendly’ with these ‘targets’ too by offering them toddys once a while. Spring the trap to loan them money at the mere whimp of these victim’s money troubles.

3. The Package.
Once you secure these ‘contracts’ of IOUs from these victims while they’re in the state of intoxication, proceed to hire ‘Muscles’(your in-laws and nephews will do) to roughen up the victim and his family. Time to put your Bollywood theatrical skillz into action, ask nephews to flash torchlights when you shout at the top of your lungs to demand ‘Justice’ and what’s owed to you to maximum effect. Proceeed to bundle victim and family into minivan and head on to the ‘Gulag’(Good ol Malaysian Palm oil plantations, heard rubber is making a comeback, so you might wanne consider getting into it – Mob) and shove them a shoddy shed to live for the next… lifetime if you’re ‘good’ at what you do.

4. Reward.
Make up all sort of excuses of servicing their mounting debts whenever victim approached you for the balance owed to you. Use electric bills, water bills, your son’s school books to prolong their ‘services’ to you. Beat them if necessary BUT always use your Bollywood acting to end these engagements with fake tears in your eyes and explaining to them you’re doing it for THEIR own good. – again ask nephew to flash torchlights, hidden of course behind your back. Ask whole families, including schooling children among the families to help ‘speed-up’ paying their debts their family owed to you. Wave Toddy in front of hopelessly addicted victim’s face if all measures failed.

5. Secure Perimeter.
Use your fat and loser nephews as make-believe thugs. Train vicious dogs and son-in-laws to guard area surrounding the families sheds. Have curfews to stop these buggers from creeping out and seek help from outsite. Make an ‘Example’ out of someone amongst the families, use a retard relative to point to them it is futile to escape.

With these 5 pointers, I hope you will be on your way to live your Bollywood dreams, at the expense of your ‘workers’ of course! Hope to you see you at the top of the slaver…oops! I mean the top of the chain…

– S Maren (In-hiding ‘Labour-Supplier Specialist)

This VMY2007 Special Highlight is brought to you by our very fine palm-oil plantations in conjunction with Visit Bolehland 2007.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Malaysia Welcomes the World!

Yeah Happy Happy Malaysia

Some stupid white-folks jumpin’ like smurfs over some ravines. Don’t they know our Rainforest rots corpses the fastest? Don’t even think about getting a ‘bruise’ or a ‘wound’ out there, Wily Charlie and Snowy Sally!

Happy Happy Malaysia

Some beautiful white-chick wearing a baju-kurung holding a Wau.

Sad to say, ‘Rebecca’ was arrested soon after this shoot for wearing & behaving ‘Indecently’ (holding a state mascot – wau in a suggestive way turns on our local pervs) and was deported to Simpang Renggam for some ‘serious’ Rehab.

Happy Happy Malaysia

Some foreign-lookin’ rich(assuming) snob shopping for ‘shoes’ at what we presume as some femes-designer-branded footwear. Think, why does a femes designer shoe you’re holding are ‘at Best Prices’ ?
I will leave that to your imagination(which we assumed your Oxford Uni. would have sufficely educated you on topics such as ‘sweat-shops’ and ‘faked goods’)

Now, here’s the Bombshell, SHIT You Don’t See with us ‘Innocent and Nice’ Malaysian People:

Please don’t knock your own arse on your way out, Tourist.

VMY2007: Bolehland Memorable Quotes

50 Mind-Fucked Years!

Bolehnuts Toying With BREAK-THROUGH Space Experiment!

Piss in Space

Next on the list of Malaysian Space Experiment: High-tech Dildos

Wonderful Message for Our Angkasawan Who Missed Our Roti Canai

RM80 Million Waste of Taxpayer's Green

Friday, January 05, 2007

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Monsoon Cup 2007 - New Challenger

Kalau siaplah… Kalu tak siap, kite pakai kapal Star Cruise! Al-right!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

HAPPY NEW TOLL! - Best Wishes from Samy

ayoyoyo samy!

Remember to Vote for Barisan Najis!

To Know Bolehland is To Love Bolehland

What you see on the facade.

But once you touch-down at KLIA…

You will get a clearer picture…

Welcome to Bolehland, suckers!

Monday, January 01, 2007

Mental note, Celebrate New Year at Curve

Make a mental note to celebrate anything festive at The Curve. Why?
Here’s why:
– Concerts held (Reshmonu was the best last nite, works the crowd like 2nd nature, Jacyln look beefier than usual but I agree it’s better in every sense)
– Well-coordinated, they had Merdeka Day celebration training and the crowd knew what to expect.
– Good clean fun with civilised crowd, all urbanites. And the gwailors were wondering where we’re missing from KLCC and Bkt. bintang.
Beers are just a couple of blocks away, Laundry Bar and co has ample tables and you could always grab a seat near the surrounding. Fountains, pot plants to snuffed out your ciggies and cool side-walks. There are water-cooled huge fans and plus the open-air environment makes your beer chugging good.
– Parking space is scarce but if you don’t mind abit of walking, it will be fine. Hey, it’s new year, you ‘walk’ wherever you are in the world to celebrate. We noticed there were more cars than usual, so the word has gotten out already!
– The main lanes infront of the Curve suits the concert nicely, not too wide of a road to make you look silly dancing like an idiot but enough to see you’re bobbing your head along with the crowd.
Silly-string can sprays! You gottha have those, aplenty at street-parties. Bring goggles and extra set of shirt if you wanne look demure rising from the party-spray aftermath! And yeah, wear a cap too! An ice-breaker or race-barrier breaker to be correct, no one could stay ‘cold’ after a spray in the face! Indians, Malays, Chinese and DLLs were all too happy to indulge themselves in this massive ‘massacre’. Yeah, we were a nation with many ‘colourful faces and shirts’, but we laugh and cheer like one too! …with silly purple foam strings hanging over our heads :)
– The younger crowd had a new trend: Krumpin’/Clown-dancing. yupe, the freestylin’ street dance phenomenon which hit the US. Sadly the only we have here for the last few years was David LaChapelle’s docu-movie: Rize! but last nite, you get to witness first-hand and all voluntarily by the young chaps, hey, even a white-haired uncle was strutting his moves ala Ol Skool: Bhangra!
Fireworks! and lots of it. Nothing to lit-up your day with huge colourful bangs. Definately a crowd-pleaser.

the best thing about the whole thing is: You will see Malaysians being the friendly Malaysians you knew or heard about it from your grandma’s memoirs. Malaysians just need the ‘right’ environment to be Malaysians, friendly and warm-hearted peeps who enjoys celebrating anything under the sun and moon, bar not being restricted by half-arsed policies and ‘commandments’ from politicians and their cohorts. For those lucky tourists who were smart enough to find these hidden gems where you get to witness true diversity and unity amongst Malaysians, tell your friends about it and not those dumb-arse ‘cultural’ crap the ministries stuffed on your platter!

These are the ingredients missing from VMY2007. Malaysians being happy, not made to look happy. Guess the stumped pipes we called ministers will NEVER get to know because they will never understand what makes our country great!

Happy New Year again!